Question Time
by Koneko Cain
Summary: Re-post. Ryou just wants to watch his movie without having to explain why his hair is white or why Yugi is so short to Bakura, who just won't shut up like a good boy.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!  
  
Warnings: Very short, very stupid. Making fun of pretty much everyone.  
  
Author: Koneko Cain (Formerly Koneko Shido, and that's still my name on nfiction.com and everywhere else)  
  
A/N: Re-post because ffn are gits and kicked me off. Everything else of mine, including this after I get kicked again, which will be soon, will be posted at nfiction.com. Go to my profile if the link doesn't show up. ;;  
  
Question Time.   
  
Bakura: I'm bored.  
  
Ryou: That's nice, dear. [Is watching 'Gone with the Wind', not paying attention at all.]  
  
Bakura: Why do you always drink tea? [Is now fiddling with a plug socket behind the sofa, sticking a dagger in it to see what will happen.]  
  
Ryou: Because I'm English. You are aware that painful things happen when you stick forks, daggers or other electricity-conducting objects into live plug sockets, aren't you?  
  
Bakura: ... [Electrical crackling sounds and muffled curses are heard, and Bakura vanishes into the millennium ring. He appears again a moment later sat on the couch next to Ryou, his hair smoking slightly.] I knew that, I was just testing it.  
  
Ryou: Of course. Well done for figuring out that it works.  
  
Bakura: Hmph. Why is your hair white? Did you have some kind of traumatic childhood experience or something?  
  
Ryou: Setting aside the fact that your hair is also white, do you count as a traumatic experience?  
  
Bakura: No.  
  
Ryou: Then no. Can I watch my film now?  
  
Bakura: No, I want to know more things.  
  
Ryou: Oh dear. And what would they be?  
  
Bakura: Why is Yugi so short? Is he a horrific government experiment gone wrong? That would explain his freaky hair, too.  
  
Ryou: [Sighing] Yes, Bakura, Yugi is a mutant.  
  
Bakura: Cool. Really?  
  
Ryou: No, he's just short.  
  
Bakura: Damn. What's that girl called... That one I always want to kill but you won't let me?  
  
Ryou: That would be Anzu.  
  
Bakura: Right, her. Why is she so annoying? Does she do it on purpose? Why won't you let me tie her to the back of a car?  
  
Ryou: I'm not even going to answer that.  
  
Bakura: Ok, why is Kaiba so pissed off all the time? He's rich and sexy and a genius, so why is he always so angry? He should try killing things with a mallet, like hamsters. They make this great squeaky crunchy sound.  
  
Ryou: Charming. You really think Kaiba is sexy? Sexier than me?  
  
Bakura: No, you're sexier. Anyway, you can do that thing with your tongue.  
  
Ryou: What, this?  
  
Bakura: Ohh... Yeah...  
  
Ryou: I can do this, too.  
  
Bakura: Ahh! Where... Where the hell did you learn to do that?   
  
Ryou: From Yugi.  
  
Bakura: What the-Ahhhh!! Nnhhh... Shit... Mmmhhh...  
  
End.  
  
There shall be more... Fear muchly. Please go to my profile to see why I was booted off and where the rest of my fics will be. If you care. 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: don't own anything.  
  
Warnings: Slight mention of yaoi, OOC, stupid-ness...  
  
Author: Koneko Shido  
  
A/N: Inspiration came from (sad but true) eating a blueberry muffin. It looked normal, but once I bit into it, the thing was BLUE! That confused me, I thought it was a raisin muffin. Ever noticed that there are hardly any blue foods?  
  
Question Time 2  
  
Bakura: Argh! My ears are ringing!   
  
Ryou: Oh, good lord...  
  
Bakura: No, really! It's this noise, like-  
  
Ryou: That's the telephone, you dead idiot.  
  
Bakura: Is that like a television? And what is this I'm eating?  
  
Ryou: No, and that's a muffin.  
  
Bakura: Oh. The ringing stopped.   
  
Ryou: That's because I answered the phone, dear. No, Yugi, I'll call you back later. Bakura is having one of his idiotic ranting sessions. Yes. No. Possibly. All right, bye.  
  
Bakura: Why are you talking to yourself? You look like a mad person. Yugi isn't here, you know. Unless he's invisible. Is he invisible?  
  
Ryou: No, Yugi isn't invisible. And I was talking to him on the telephone. Now shut up and eat your muffin before I pour boiling water over you.  
  
Bakura: That would hurt.  
  
Ryou: Yes, yes it would.  
  
Bakura: Can I-  
  
Ryou: No you can't.   
  
Bakura: You don't even know what I was going to ask!  
  
Ryou: I don't need to know. What? What is it now? Why are you looking like that?   
  
Bakura: ...  
  
Ryou: What??   
  
Bakura: This-this-this... It's BLUE!!  
  
Ryou: Must I explain that I have no idea what you're talking about? Now stop spazzing and tell me what's wrong or I'm going to fetch the kettle.  
  
Bakura: This thing I'm eating-  
  
Ryou: Muffin.  
  
Bakura: This muffin, is blue inside. Food is not supposed to be BLUE!! Why is it blue!! Is it poison? Will it melt me from the inside out? Will it turn me into a pile of bubbling slime? Will my eyes fall out? Will my hair turn three stupid colours like that idiot Pharaoh and his brat??  
  
Ryou: No. Firstly, it's blue because it's blueberry, you complete moron. Secondly, it will neither melt you, liquefy you or cause your eyes to fall out. And lastly, Yami and Yugi's hair did not abruptly change colour after eating a muffin. I assume they were born like that.  
  
Bakura: Damn, imagine the parents! It's like a punk meets a rainbow and has sex with it. Imagine the mother's face when she saw her kid looked like a child's drawing of a firework going off!   
  
Ryou: I'm sure Yugi had very loving parents. And Yami.  
  
Bakura: Then what made them decide to dress like whores in bin bags?  
  
Ryou: Bakura!   
  
Bakura: What?   
  
Ryou: That's not nice!  
  
Bakura: Really? Damn it all, I was trying SO hard, too. I completely missed.  
  
Ryou: I'm going to ignore your pathetic attempt at sarcasm. You have no right to insult Yugi and Yami's dress sense.  
  
Bakura: The hell I do. They look like some blind person wrapped them up in duct tape. Leather much? Imagine the noise they'd make if you rubbed them together! Besides, you're one to talk about dress sense, who the hell taught you about clothes, the Care Bears?  
  
Ryou: I'm not even going to ask how you know about the Care Bears. As for my clothes, I think they look fine!  
  
Bakura: Really? Have you had an eye test recently? Or a sanity test, for that matter?  
  
Ryou: Insane, me? This coming from YOU?  
  
Bakura: At least I don't wear clothes someone's grandmother made out of old curtains or pillowcases. Now Malik, he has some dress sense.   
  
Ryou: I'll be sure to phone him right away and ask him to help me.  
  
Bakura: Really?  
  
Ryou: No. And by the way, you're sleeping on the couch for insulting me.   
  
Bakura: You're cute when you're mad.  
  
Ryou: I'm always cute.   
  
Bakura: Scarily true.  
  
Ryou: Now, I shall go and be cute but annoyed elsewhere, so that you will stop annoying me with your idiocy.  
  
Bakura: But I want sex!  
  
Ryou: That's a shame.  
  
Bakura: You're mean.  
  
Ryou: Aren't I though?   
  
The End  
  
Sweatdrop That lot of rambling nonsense actually came to me in the middle of reading an angst fic, so I had to write it out then go back to reading said angst fic. I lost the plot of it completely for this bout of strangeness. Review, please!! Pleasepleaseplease?? 


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Don't own it, nor do I care much at this point. yawn  
  
Warnings: More of the same...  
  
Author: Koneko Shido  
  
A/N: I apologize for making fun of everyone, especially Yami and Yugi, but you know I love them all really. What fun would Bakura be if he didn't hate everyone? And Ryou is just OOC. I can't help it!  
  
Question Time 3  
  
Bakura: Is Yugi a Christmas tree?  
  
Ryou: Isn't it a little early in the day for your usual demented babblings?  
  
Bakura: Does that mean he is?  
  
Ryou: No.  
  
Bakura: But he's shaped like one. Then again, he's not tall enough. Is he an elf?  
  
Ryou: No, he's not an elf.  
  
Bakura: What is an elf, anyway? All I know about them is that they're little people, like Yugi.  
  
Ryou: I think you're thinking of goblins, if you're even thinking at all.  
  
Bakura: Is Yugi a goblin, then?  
  
Ryou: Why are you so obsessed with Yugi not being just a normal person?   
  
Bakura: Because he's not, he's some sort of elf-goblin-christmas tree-star headed freak of nature.   
  
Ryou: And you're a sane, rational person.  
  
Bakura: Damn straight.  
  
Ryou: I very much doubt that.  
  
Bakura: What's this??  
  
Ryou: That's a lighter.  
  
Bakura: What does it do?  
  
Ryou: It lights things.  
  
Bakura: Hey look, fire. Ow!  
  
Ryou: Oh, come on! Nobody could possibly be that stupid!  
  
Bakura: Stop bitching and help me! I'm on fire, you know.  
  
Ryou: I had noticed. I have no sympathy.  
  
Bakura: Actually, this whole burning thing is really starting to hurt. Give me that.  
  
Ryou: I was drinking that!  
  
Bakura: I'm. On. Fire. I think that's slightly more important!   
  
Ryou: On your list of priorities, maybe. Now I need another drink, and you've covered yourself in cola.  
  
Bakura: I had noticed, yes. My arm is sticky.  
  
Ryou: It wouldn't be the first time. At least you're not on fire anymore.  
  
Bakura: That's always a good thing.   
  
TBC... probably.  
  
Review, and you get more! I've written 25 chapters of this, and Kuro no Hoshi has written a load too, so there's plenty more for anyone who wants it. Heheh. 


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: It's on my Christmas list. In other words I don't own it. Yet. Mwahah.  
  
Warnings: Mocking. Yep, that's pretty much it. Oh, and mention of cruelty to animals...  
  
Author: Koneko Shido  
  
A/N: Here's part four, enjoy!  
  
Question Time 4 (I should really come up with a more inventive title...)  
  
Bakura: Talk to meeee!  
  
Ryou: No.  
  
Bakura: But I'm bored!!  
  
Ryou: And? How is that my problem?  
  
Bakura: Well you're supposed to be the sweet considerate one here! Think of my pain! I can't even   
  
get out of bed!  
  
Ryou: Poor baby.  
  
Bakura: Your sarcasm wounds me.   
  
Ryou: Well, it's your own fault you're stuck there, you know.  
  
Bakura: No, it's your fault for letting me play with the lighter.  
  
Ryou: And I suppose it's my fault you set yourself on fire, too?  
  
Bakura: Correct, for ten points.  
  
Ryou: You've been watching too many daytime quiz shows.  
  
Bakura: Only because you won't talk to me.  
  
Ryou: Because you're an idiot, and talking to you makes my brain hurt.  
  
Bakura: Fine, then I'll just play with this little bell you put on my bedside table. Wow, that's really loud! Hey, this is almost fun.  
  
Ryou: Please stop.  
  
Bakura: Huh? What was that? I can't hear you over all this ringing.  
  
Ryou: I said please stop that it's extremely annoying!  
  
Bakura: La la la, I can't hear you...   
  
Ryou: STOP IT, GODDAMNIT!!!!  
  
Bakura: Yea, dear. So will you talk to me now?  
  
Ryou: When my ears stop bleeding, yes.  
  
Bakura: Mwahah. I win, again. I always get my own way. I'm so evil.  
  
Ryou: That's true. So what do you want to talk about? More of your idiotic questions, I suppose.  
  
Bakura: Damn right.  
  
Ryou: Oh.  
  
Bakura: Why does cheese give people nightmares?  
  
Ryou: I have no idea.  
  
Bakura: Fine, why do spiders have eight legs when four would do?  
  
Ryou: I have no idea.  
  
Bakura: What's a Tazer?  
  
Ryou: Something I am never, ever letting you get your hands on.  
  
Bakura: Where can I get a hedgehog?  
  
Ryou: ...what?  
  
Bakura: You know, those spiky little rats.  
  
Ryou: I know what a hedgehog is. I'm sure I'm not going to like the answer but I feel I have to ask anyway. Why on earth do you want a hedgehog?  
  
Bakura: Well, Malik told me that hedgehogs can scream. I wanted to see if it was true. And I want to know what it sounds like.  
  
Ryou: ...  
  
Bakura: I wonder how I could make it scream? If I hit it with a crowbar it'd probably just die. Maybe I could put it in the microwave? No, it might explode before it got a chance to scream. Maybe I could put it in the oven and heat it up slowly. Oh, that reminds me, can you get me a frog, too?  
  
Ryou: I'm almost scared to ask why you want a frog.  
  
Bakura: Malik told me that if you drop a frog into boiling water it jumps right out, but if you put a frog in cold water and heat it up slowly, it just sits there and gets boiled alive. I wanted to see if that was true, too. Does our oven have a glass door? I want to watch the hedgehog cook.  
  
Ryou: I am never letting you get near any animal ever again.   
  
Bakura: Does that count dead ones? Because I found some roadkill before you made me set myself on fire, and I wanted to play with it.  
  
Ryou: Play with it? This is sounding less and less wholesome.  
  
Bakura: Could you get me some firecrackers for the roadkill while you're out?  
  
Ryou: I'm not even going to ask.   
  
Bakura: I was going to tell that baka Pharaoh that there was some poor, injured animal at the end of our garden, then when he gets near it I was going to blow it up. Fun, huh?  
  
Ryou: You scare me.  
  
Bakura: I practice.  
  
Ryou: Ok, talking to you is giving me both a headache, and a worrying insight into what you do with your spare time, so I'm going out.  
  
Bakura: Remember to get my hedgehog, dammit!  
  
Ryou: I love you too. No more TV while I'm gone, and no more talking to Malik.  
  
Bakura: Yes, mom.  
  
Ryou: Good, now go to sleep!  
  
TBC  
  
That was slightly... weirder... than usual. The hedgehog and frog things are true, sadly. No, I haven't actually done either of them. I like animals. And blowing up roadkill with fireworks is also wrong. So don't do it. Anyway, please review! 


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Not mine. Wow, I'm really lazy! My whole disclaimer (other than this min-rant) is only two words long! I need to work on that. Bad me.  
  
Warnings: HaHAH! More! Cackles madly Aw, forget it. Read other parts for full warnings, 'cause I'm bored with writing them.  
  
Author: Koneko Shido  
  
A/N: Someone reviewed and kindly informed me that Ryou and Bakura aren't gay. smirk I'll believe that when they announce it on the show. They are gay! Look, it says so right there in the fic! point  
  
Anyway, ignore my rambling, I'm poorly today. Think what you like about it but this is a yaoi fic so no like, no read, and everyone's happy.   
  
Question Time 5  
  
Bakura: Am I a bat?  
  
Ryou: ...What??  
  
Bakura: Well, I look like a bat.  
  
Ryou: May I ask how you came to that conclusion?  
  
Bakura: Look at my hair, dammit! I have bat wings!  
  
Ryou: Oh. Um... and?  
  
Bakura: What do you mean 'and'?   
  
Ryou: AND, as in shut up, I'm busy trying to cook dinner and I don't have the time or the patience to listen to your idiotic ranting. How's that?  
  
Bakura: Do they make me look evil? Because if they make me look evil they can stay. Actually, I quite like them. I have evil hair.  
  
Ryou: Do you EVER listen to me?  
  
Bakura: What?   
  
Ryou: Do you see that kettle there? Well if you don't stop annoying me I am going to fill it with water, boil it, and pour it over your head.   
  
Bakura: Why is Honda's hair so pointy? He looks like a bird. Maybe he slept in a corner.  
  
Ryou: ...ARGH!!  
  
Bakura: Argh? What?  
  
Ryou: I'm going to poison your dinner, you know.  
  
Bakura: That's nice. Hey, don't you think that Pegasus guy was a total wuss? I mean, why did everyone bother duelling him when it would have been a lot easier just to beat him into a bloody pulp? He was a pansy, I'll bet even Yugi could have taken him.   
  
Ryou: See this rat poison?   
  
Bakura: And what happened to his real eye when Shadi gave him the sennen eye? Maybe Shadi pulled it out. I wonder if he kept it? I wonder if he'll let me have it?  
  
Ryou: Would you like a drink? I have battery acid, if you'd like.  
  
Bakura: Sure, whatever. Why does that Shizuka girl believe Jounouchi can do anything, even though he's clearly an idiot?  
  
Ryou: Why do you think that if you keep ignoring me I won't hurt you?   
  
Bakura: Why does Jounouchi pretend to get upset every time Kaiba calls him a dog, even though we all know it's some kinky sex game and he secretly likes it?  
  
Ryou: How do you like your cyanide? On toast or in soup?  
  
Bakura: Soup is fine. Why does Otogi like dice so much?  
  
Ryou: I wonder where my father keeps his shotgun?  
  
Bakura: Can I play with it after you? Why is Yami so obsessed with Kuribohs? Why do Otogi and Pegasus keep pretending they're straight? If you're an exchange student from England, why do you have a Japanese name? Why does Yugi have such freakishly huge eyes? Why do Jou and Kaiba have such skinny legs? Why does everyone always bother rescuing Anzu when it'd be a lot simpler to just leave her? Why does Mokuba look like a hedgehog?  
  
Ryou: Why do you never shut up?  
  
Bakura: How does Kaiba get his coat to stick out like that? Why do you always make Bambi eyes when you're upset? Why is Yugi's hair three different colours?   
  
Ryou: Your dinner is ready.   
  
Bakura: Is it supposed to be eating through the fork like that?  
  
Ryou: Yes.  
  
Bakura: Oh. Ok then.   
  
Ryou: Enjoy. Any more questions?  
  
Bakura: Yes. Do you really think I'm stupid enough to eat this?  
  
Ryou: Well you just drank the cyanide I put it your juice, so yes.  
  
Bakura: What??!  
  
Ryou: ...  
  
Bakura: What's so funny? I'm going to die, dammit!  
  
Ryou: Even if I somehow managed to get my hands on enough cyanide to kill you, I'm not the violent psychopath in this relationship.   
  
Bakura: So you didn't poison me?  
  
Ryou: No. But that doesn't mean I won't if you keep annoying me.  
  
Bakura: Heheh. Wait until I tell your little friend Yugi you tried to kill me.  
  
Ryou: What?! I didn't try to kill you! Don't you dare, you evil freak!  
  
Bakura: I wonder what he'd say?   
  
Ryou: Don't you even think about it - hey! You put that phone down right now, Bakura! Bakura, stop it! I mean it!!  
  
Bakura: La, la, la, I can't hear you... Oh, hello. Is Yugi there?  
  
Ryou: No!!  
  
Bakura: Ow, stop biting me! And I thought you said I was the violent one? Oh, hi Yugi. Guess what Ryou just did?  
  
Ryou: It's not true, dammit!! I'm going to kill you, Bakura!!  
  
Bakura: Yeah, I know. He's crazy. He tried to poison me. And he set me on fire. And he keeps threatening to pour boiling water over me.  
  
Ryou: Bakura, I'm going to murder you!! Put that phone down right now or I swear I'm going to cut off parts of you that you didn't even know you had!!  
  
Bakura: Yeah, that's him shouting at me. He's so mean.   
  
Ryou: Argh!! That's it!!  
  
Bakura: Ow!! No, it's ok, he just hit me with a chair. I'd better go, he's boiling the kettle. Oh, and tell Yami I hate him and he has stupid hair. Yeah. No. Yeah. Ok, bye.  
  
TBC  
  
To the reviewer who asked if I needed her copies of this fic: Thanks! But it's ok, I have backups. You really saved every chapter of this crap? ;; I'm flattered. Kuro no Hoshi will be too when I tell her.   
  
Ok, review! 


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Not mine.  
  
Warnings: Slightly more yaoi-ness in this part, I think. Um...  
  
Author: Koneko Shido  
  
A/N: More... I hate reposting, it takes bloody ages!  
  
Question Time 6  
  
Ryou: Ahh! Yes, mmmhhh... Right there...  
  
Bakura: Here?  
  
Ryou: Ahhh...  
  
Bakura: Hey, look! A flying thing!  
  
Ryou: Ugh! Ahhh...  
  
Bakura: Is that a butterfly? Hey Ryou, there's a butterfly in our room!  
  
Ryou: Ohh... gods... not now, you demented moron...  
  
Bakura: I wonder how it got in here? Do you think the cat will kill it?  
  
Ryou: I couldn't -ahh!- care less, shut up!  
  
Bakura: Do you remember when that butterfly got caught in Yugi and Yami's bathroom? And Yugi cried for three days straight because I killed it with hairspray?  
  
Ryou: And Yami hit you over the head with the iron for making Yugi cry? Yes I remember, now keep doing that or I will be very upset and there will be much pain involved for you.  
  
Bakura: You're so romantic.  
  
Ryou: It's very difficult to be romantic when my lover is- is you! Ohh!  
  
Bakura: I bet everyone else gets to be romantic.  
  
Ryou: I seriously doubt it. Oh, yes!!  
  
Bakura: Yeah, you're right.  
  
Ryou: Don't you ever shut up? Mmmhh...  
  
Bakura: Nope. Kaiba's idea of romance is probably letting Jou come into shops with him, instead of tying him to a lamppost outside. Heheh.  
  
Ryou: Ohh... That's really not an image I need while we're having sex, dear.  
  
Bakura: And Yugi probably has to stand on a chair just to kiss Yami. He looks about ten, Yami is one sick, twisted freak.  
  
Ryou: Shut... the hell... up...   
  
Bakura: You know, you're really curvy. Like a girl.  
  
Ryou: Don't you have better things to do with your mouth than babble at me? And I do not look like a girl, by the way.   
  
Bakura: Yeah you do. Your waist curves in like a girl's. And you have girly hair. And girly eyes. And a girly voice with a girly accent.  
  
Ryou: I do not! Ahh!! You have the same accent as me anyway, and the same hair, you bastard!  
  
Bakura: No way, I have a deep, creepy voice. And my hair has these cool bat-wing bits. Yours is all fluffy. Like a sheep.  
  
Ryou: A SHEEP???   
  
Bakura: Yeah?   
  
Ryou: How dare you compare me to any sort of farmyard animal, you tomb robbing bastard!   
  
Bakura: Did I ever tell you that you talk too much during sex?  
  
Ryou: WHAT??!  
  
TBC  
  
Revieeeeew. 


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Not mine, or the word 'game' in game king would be replaced with 'bondage'. Yummy.  
  
Warnings: Too cold to care...  
  
Author: Koneko Shido  
  
Question Time 7  
  
Bakura: Why is it that you scream every morning when you roll over and see me lying next to you? Is that an English thing?  
  
Ryou: No, it's my body's automatic reaction to seeing you.   
  
Bakura: ...I have no idea what you just said. Say it slowly. And use little words.   
  
Ryou: Your face scares me.  
  
Bakura: Cool, really?  
  
Ryou: No. I just said that because I want you to shut up. I'm trying to read my newspaper.  
  
Bakura: You're mean.  
  
Ryou: I was actually a very nice person before I met you. Now I've become bitter and twisted, and whose fault is that?  
  
Bakura: Oh, I know! I know!  
  
Ryou: Stop waving your hand in the air, idiot. We're not in class.  
  
Bakura: What was the question again?  
  
Ryou: ...  
  
Bakura: You know, even growling like that, you're still the least scary person I've ever seen.  
  
Ryou: Is there anyone you're scared of?  
  
Bakura: Umm... Yes. Three people.   
  
Ryou: And are you going to tell me who they are so that I can give you to them?   
  
Bakura: Ok! The first is the Honey Monster, because he's big and yellow and a monster. The second is Mr. Kipling, because nobody has ever seen what he looks like, and the third is Captain Birdseye. He freaks me out because he hangs around with a bunch of ten year olds, but nobody seems to think it's weird. And he's not even a real sailor!  
  
Ryou: You do of course realize that none of these people exist?  
  
Bakura: Really? Well, that's a weight off my mind. So I guess I'm not scared of anyone.  
  
Ryou: Really.  
  
Bakura: Wait, is Pikachu real?  
  
Ryou: No.  
  
Bakura: Thank Ra. Yeah, I have no fear. Mwahah.  
  
Ryou: You also have no brain.  
  
Bakura: Really? How can I be alive if I have no brain?   
  
Ryou: Shut UP, or there will be pain involved.  
  
Bakura: Well you're about as threatening as a marshmallow.   
  
Ryou: Is this all you do, all day? Just sit and think of stupid things to say to me? Or do they just pop into the space where your brain should be of their own accord?  
  
Bakura: Ok, I understood the first bit of what you just said, but the rest was boring so I wasn't listening. Anyway, I have hobbies, thank you very much!   
  
Ryou: Oh, good lord...Please don't tell me what they are...  
  
Bakura: And now, since you asked so nicely, I'm going to tell you what they are.  
  
Ryou: No! Dammit, don't you ever pay attention to me?  
  
Bakura: Not in the slightest. Hobbies, hobbies.... Hmm. What do I like to do? Well, I like to annoy you, and I like to stick things in Yami's hair when he isn't looking, like chewing gum...  
  
Ryou: And you like to scare small children,  
  
Bakura: Oh yeah, and I like to pop balloons behind Yugi then vanish so he thinks he's being shot at,  
  
Ryou; And you like to horribly torture small, defenceless animals,  
  
Bakura: Yeah, can't forget that. And what else? Stomping on flowers, collecting shiny things-  
  
Ryou: You mean stealing shiny things.  
  
Bakura: Plotting Yami's gory, bloody, painful, pointy death; sticking things to Otogi; terrifying your friends,  
  
Ryou: Alright, alright, I get the picture you can stop now. Please.  
  
Bakura: Ok, darling.  
  
Ryou: 'Darling'? What the hell goes on in your head, Bakura?   
  
Bakura: Many, many bad things. Mwahah.  
  
Ryou: And very little else, I suspect.  
  
Bakura: One last question!   
  
Ryou: And that is?  
  
Bakura: Are you ashamed of me?  
  
Ryou: What? Of course not!   
  
Bakura: Weird. I would be.  
  
TBC  
  
Can you picture Bakura's evil smirk? Heheh.   
  
So another chapter down. Review, review!! 


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Not mine... tired... Need sleep...  
  
Warnings: Meh...   
  
Author: Koneko Shido  
  
A/N: This is Seto and Jou.  
  
Question Time 8  
  
Seto: What are you doing, puppy?  
  
Jou: Dammit Kaiba, I ain't a dog! And I'm doing my math homework.   
  
Seto: YOU can do math? Let me see.  
  
Jou: Hey, give that back you jerk!  
  
Seto: ...  
  
Jou: What??  
  
Seto: Ok, so you can't do math. How on earth did you manage to get all fifty questions wrong? Surely you should have gotten at least one right out of sheer luck!  
  
Jou: Hey! Quit laughing at me, you rich bastard!  
  
Seto: These are primary school level math problems. That's just sad.  
  
Jou: Well maybe math ain't my thing! Maybe I have better things to do with my time! When has knowing how to find all the angles in a triangle ever helped me anyway??  
  
Seto: So what is your thing?  
  
Jou: Are you flirting with me??  
  
Seto: Maybe.   
  
Jou: Uh... now I'm confused.   
  
Seto: That must happen to you a lot.  
  
Jou: Yeah, it does, actually- hey!!   
  
Seto: Yes?  
  
Jou: Um... why are you looking at me like that?  
  
Seto: Like what?  
  
Jou: Like you want to jump me?  
  
Seto: The answer is probably in the question.  
  
Jou: And what will you do if I run away?  
  
Seto: Chase you.  
  
Jou: I could struggle.  
  
Seto: Try it.  
  
Jou: Well then I could scream rape.  
  
Seto: And all your friends would laugh at you.  
  
Jou: Good point. Um... I could... err...  
  
Seto: You could come sit on my lap and let me molest you.  
  
Jou: You could stop being such a pervert and give me back my homework.  
  
Seto: Why bother with it? There are much better things you could be doing with your time.   
  
Jou: What, like let you attack me?  
  
Seto: Attack is really a harsh word. I prefer ravish.  
  
Jou: A bit melodramatic, isn't it?  
  
Seto: What can I say? I'm a romantic.  
  
Jou: I gotta say your idea of romance is kinda twisted.  
  
Seto: Don't pretend you don't like it.  
  
Jou: I thought you had a thing for Yami, anyway?  
  
Seto: I wouldn't call it a thing, more of a violent hatred. We could always have a threesome, though, if it would make you feel better.  
  
Jou: Now there's an image I really didn't need.   
  
Seto: Have you ever been in a threesome, though? There are far too many limbs, it gets rather confusing after a while. And if it's at a party, then everyone else wants to join in and it ends up as an orgy.  
  
Jou: Are you completely obsessed with sex by any chance?  
  
Seto: What makes you think that?  
  
Jou: Well the whole orgy thing helped. And no, I haven't been in a threesome.  
  
Seto: Yet.  
  
Jou: Because I'm not a nymphomaniac.  
  
Seto: That's a shame. Really. I could help you with that. And the never-having-been-in-a-threesome thing.  
  
Jou: What, with Yami, no thanks. You could put someone's eye out with hair like his.  
  
Seto: Fine, then Yugi.  
  
Jou: He might get lost somewhere in the middle. He's tiny. Anyway, he's my best friend! I can't believe I'm talking about this with you!  
  
Seto: Otogi then. He's a slut, he'll sleep with pretty much anyone.  
  
Jou: Oh, thanks a lot.  
  
Seto: Fine, then what about Honda? He's always draped over your shoulder like a human coat anyway, getting him to do it without his clothes shouldn't be too hard.  
  
Jou: You'd have to drug him, he's straight.   
  
Seto: Damn. Ok, then Ryou. He's pretty, in a pale, sickly sort of way.  
  
Jou: Yeah, great idea! Then Bakura could gut me with a pizza cutter and send you my insides in a very small box!  
  
Seto: I get your point. What about Bakura, then?  
  
Jou: The whole relationship thing works both ways, you know. And Ryou can be really violent when he wants to be. Plus, Bakura would never cheat on Ryou. He may look tough, but underneath all the psychosis he's totally whipped.  
  
Seto: Shame. Who else is there? Pegasus?  
  
Jou: I cannot believe you even suggested that. I think I'm gonna be sick. Really.  
  
Seto: I just wanted to get my own back for the soul-stealing episode. I could handcuff him to the bed and whip him, and then-  
  
Jou: These images are not helping my nausea.  
  
Seto: Ok, then Marik.  
  
Jou: Marik is a headcase, and he'd probably kill us both. Plus, who knows what scary things he does with that millennium rod?? It's sharp, dammit! I really don't need to find out the hard way that he's as perverted as you are!  
  
Seto: Then what about Malik?  
  
Jou: ...Actually, that idea doesn't suck as badly as the others. Although, if his yami ever finds out I'm pretty sure he'll kill us.  
  
Seto: It'll be worth it.  
  
Jou: True. Ok then, but you have to do my homework for me.  
  
TBC  
  
So Bakura is a crazy and Seto is a sex-crazed neurotic. Fun, huh? Reviews, reviews!! 


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Not mine.  
  
Warnings: At this point it could be pretty much anything... Oh, and this part is not for people who like small, furry animals. Especially mice.  
  
Author: Koneko Shido  
  
A/N: This really happens at my house. A lot.   
  
Question Time 8  
  
Bakura: Ryyyyyou!!! Look, look, look!!! Look what the cat gave me!!  
  
Ryou: ...What is that? It looks like a butterbean.  
  
Bakura: It's a stomach.  
  
Ryou: ...  
  
Bakura: I walked in the room and the cat was eating a mouse on your bed, and it ate everything except this stomach because it's poisonous or something, and when it was eating the bones were crunching and everything. It was so great! Shame you missed it. But look, I saved the stomach for you!  
  
Ryou: ...  
  
Bakura: Oh, and there's some more left, but it's mostly just blood and intestines. It's on your bed if you want to see.   
  
Ryou: Kindly get that stomach out of my face, you sick, twisted individual.  
  
Bakura: You look kind of green, is that normal? Oh yeah, the stomach is black! I think this mouse was ill or something. It didn't look like it was ill, though.   
  
Ryou: And you met it before it was slaughtered by the cat, did you?  
  
Bakura: Yeah, so did you. Remember when we were watching that movie and that mouse was sitting in the corner watching us, and it had these big, black eyes and it was really freaking me out but you said it was cute? That's the mouse. I know because I gave it to the cat.  
  
Ryou: You know, there are things I really wish you wouldn't tell me.  
  
Bakura: I wanted the spine, but the cat ate it. It even ate the tail! It was great, it just sucked it up like it was eating spaghetti! And when it caught the mouse it broke it's neck and the thing took ages to die! It was twitching and everything!   
  
Ryou: How did you get this messed up, anyway? Were you dropped on your head as a child?  
  
Bakura: Oh, and I was reading about poison in my book of interesting ways to kill people, and I learnt how to tell if you're trying to poison me with cyanide again.  
  
Ryou: What do you mean 'again'?? That was a joke, dammit! Yugi still won't speak to me because he thinks I've gone mad, thanks to you!  
  
Bakura: Whatever, anyway you can tell if there's cyanide in your food because it smells like almonds.   
  
Ryou: Not if I burn enough incense it won't.  
  
Bakura: What? Oh, and there was this other really cool poison called strychnine, and you can tell when someone dies from it because all their muscles contort, or contract or some big word beginning with c, and they get this freaky grin on their faces! Isn't that great?  
  
Ryou: Have you been talking to Malik again, by any chance?  
  
Bakura: Yeah, how did you guess? Oh, he borrowed your dad's chainsaw, by the way.  
  
Ryou: Lovely. If it comes back covered with blood like the lawnmower, you're cleaning it.  
  
Bakura: I don't know what you were so upset about that for, it wasn't even human blood. He used it to run over a cat. You should've been there, the noise was great!  
  
Ryou: That would explain why the bag was filled with fur and bits of cat.  
  
Bakura: He's not allowed to go near lawnmowers anymore, Ishizu banned him.  
  
Ryou: Let me guess, it was her cat?  
  
Bakura: Yeah, I don't know why she was so upset either, we gave most of it back to her.  
  
Ryou: That's not funny, you basket case! I'm sure she loved that cat very much!  
  
Bakura: You just have no sense of humour. She did love the cat though. She didn't love it as much after it'd been through the lawnmower. It was called Snowy, because it was white before the whole lawnmower thing. After that it was mostly red.  
  
Ryou: You scare me.  
  
Bakura: You should hear what we did to Otogi's Chihuahua.   
  
TBC  
  
That one was pretty sick...   
  
Reviews, reviews! 


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: Not mine.  
  
Warnings: More of the weird stuff... Slightly more perverted than usual...  
  
A/N: This is what happens the morning after Seto, Jou and Malik's threesome.   
  
Question Time 10  
  
Seto: Argh!!  
  
Jou: Mmnnh? Wha-?  
  
Seto: I said 'argh.'   
  
Jou: Oh. Why??  
  
Seto: Because your feet are cold, dammit!  
  
Malik: Cut them off. That's what I'd do.  
  
Jou: Hey! I need those for walking and stuff!  
  
Seto: What time is it?  
  
Malik: Seven in the morning.   
  
Jou: Cool, I've never been awake at seven in the morning. Let alone awake at seven in the morning and in bed with two guys.   
  
Malik: There's a first time for everything.  
  
Seto: I just hope Mokuba doesn't walk in.  
  
Jou: This was your idea, you know.  
  
Malik: It was a good idea, though.   
  
Seto: True.  
  
Jou: Still, it's your fault I'm here.  
  
Seto: No it isn't, you have a mind of your own. Somewhere. Maybe.  
  
Jou: I get the picture! Jerk. Anyway, you seduced me!  
  
Malik: I'd hardly call saying 'come to my house and we'll have a threesome' seduction.  
  
Seto: Actually, that's pretty much what I said.  
  
Jou: No you didn't! You said 'come sit on my lap and let me molest you'!  
  
Malik: Ooh, kinky.  
  
Seto: Oh, yeah, I did say that.   
  
Jou: See?  
  
Malik: Still, not very subtle.  
  
Seto: If I was subtle he'd probably miss it. He's not the brightest crayon in the box and I think innuendo is a little too deep for him.  
  
Jou: Oi! I am here, you know!  
  
Malik: He's right and you know it. Anyway, who cares if you're as dense as they come? You're cute and blonde, you'll do fine. It works for me.  
  
Jou: But that's not the point...  
  
Seto: I should have a harem.  
  
Jou: I mean, I-...What?? Where the hell did that come from?  
  
Seto: What? They always have those in films, and then I could lock you in a room with a swimming pool in the middle, and you could be my personal sex slave. Doesn't that sound fun?   
  
Jou: ...  
  
Malik: Can I join?  
  
Seto: Sure, maybe I'll lock Otogi in there, too. He'll enjoy it.  
  
Jou: ...  
  
Malik: Can I bring my yami?  
  
Seto: I suppose, as long as he doesn't kill anyone or destroy anything.  
  
Malik: Do you think Bakura would join in?  
  
Seto: And Ryou, and maybe Yami and Yugi.  
  
Jou: Uh...  
  
Seto: I think my puppy would look good in silk. What do you think?  
  
Malik: You're right, gold silk. With those little metal cuffs on his wrists and his ankles.  
  
Seto: And a collar.  
  
Malik: And chains.  
  
Seto: And-  
  
Jou: Hey!!! I'm not a slave, you know!  
  
Malik: Yet.  
  
Seto: And Yami and Yugi could bring all that leather they always wear.   
  
Malik: And we could make Ryou wear white silk. He'd look good in white silk.  
  
Seto: Bakura would look good in black silk.  
  
Jou: Am I missing something here?  
  
Seto: It wouldn't surprise me.  
  
Jou: Shut up. So you're just going to kidnap all our friends and lock them in a room to use as your personal slaves, right? And you don't think they'll mind that?  
  
Malik: No?  
  
Seto: I expect they'll enjoy it.  
  
Jou: I feel very out of my depth with this whole harem-perversion thing.   
  
Malik: Just go with it.  
  
TBC  
  
That one was very strange and a bit hentai. Umm... sorry?  
  
Reviews are good. 


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: Not mine.  
  
Warnings: More cruelty to innocent, cute, fuzzy animals. And some gory yummyness.  
  
A/N: Back to Ryou and Bakura, since that's the mood I'm in! Oh, and this chapter you finally get to find out what Bakura did to Otogi's Chihuahua! But blink and you'll miss it!  
  
Question Time 11  
  
Ryou: Why do you look so pleased? And why are you covered in blood? Please don't tell me that's human blood. Even better, tell me it's ketchup.   
  
Bakura: It's mouse blood.  
  
Ryou: I'm not completely stupid, Bakura, you're drenched in the stuff! Mice aren't big enough to have that much blood, no matter how thinly you spread it!  
  
Bakura: Did I say one mouse?  
  
Ryou: Ah. Might this be why Ishizu just spent half an hour yelling at me incoherently over the phone then hung up?  
  
Bakura: Possibly.  
  
Ryou: And are you going to explain, or must I fetch the lighter? Or possibly the kettle.  
  
Bakura: Marik invented a new game.  
  
Ryou: So far this is not reassuring. Would you care to elaborate?  
  
Bakura: It was called 'fun with mice.'   
  
Ryou: I'm beginning to get some vague idea about what may have happened. Let me guess, you decided to see how many different ways you could come up with to kill a mouse, yes?  
  
Bakura: Bingo.  
  
Ryou: You saying 'bingo' is slightly disturbing, so stop it.   
  
Bakura: That was a fun game. Especially when Marik held this mouse by the tail, then dropped it into the blender. You say mice don't have much blood, but it still managed to splatter itself all over Ishizu's kitchen.  
  
Ryou: That's disgusting. And cruel.   
  
Bakura: Yep! Did you know that mice explode if you put them in the microwave and turn it on? So do Chihuahuas.   
  
Ryou: Ah, so that's what happened to Otogi's dog.   
  
Bakura: It looked more like a big rat. Oh, and we put this mouse in the freezer, and when it came out it was all blue, and hard. It smashed right through Kaiba's window really easily! Like a rock! And we managed to find a shotgun, too.  
  
Ryou: By 'find', do you mean steal?  
  
Bakura: Possibly. The great tomb robber does not just buy things he wants.   
  
Ryou: Who in their right mind would sell you a shotgun anyway? Please tell me you didn't kill anyone with it?  
  
Bakura: Would I do that??  
  
Ryou: Yes. And you'd enjoy it, and laugh maniacally afterwards.  
  
Bakura: Oh yeah. But no, we only had one shell anyway. We used it to shoot a mouse at point-blank range. It splattered over about two feet, it was great! Then we scraped all the bits up and posted them through Bandit Keith's letterbox.   
  
Ryou: Oh, lovely.  
  
Bakura: Then we used the blender that was full of mouse entrails to make Anzu a health shake. She wouldn't drink it, though. I don't think she trusted us when we randomly turned up on her doorstep with a milkshake for her.  
  
Ryou: Quite rightly. So what did you do with it, may I ask?  
  
Bakura: I bought it home for you! Here.  
  
Ryou: Oh, good lord...   
  
Bakura: Hey, don't throw it away, that took ages to make! Hmph, inconsiderate stupid hikari. Wait until I tell Yugi how mean you are to me when I just wanted to bring you a present.  
  
Ryou: Not this again... Give me the phone! Bad yami! Give!  
  
Bakura: Hello- oh, it's you. Put Yugi on, stupid Pharaoh.   
  
Ryou: Give me back the phone Bakura! Do you have any idea how long it took me to convince Yugi that I wasn't trying to poison everyone last time you did this?  
  
Bakura: Get your hikari, you useless washed-up stupid-haired midget freak! Now!  
  
Ryou: Bakura! Give me that phone or I'm going to pour the rest of this mouse milkshake over your head!!  
  
Bakura: Hello Yugi. Guess what Ryou did to me this time?  
  
Ryou: It's not true, dammit!  
  
Bakura: No, I just wanted to bring him a present, and I spent ages making him a nice healthy milkshake, but he threw it away and now he's yelling at me! No, I don't know why. He's so cruel!   
  
Ryou: ARGH!!!   
  
Bakura: Did I mention he set me on fire?   
  
Ryou: I did not set you on fire! You did it yourself out of sheer stupidity!!  
  
Bakura: Now he's calling me stupid, too. I think I'll go cry in my room for a while on my own. Bye, Yugi. No, I'll be ok. Really. Oh, and tell Yami to watch his back because I know where he lives. Bye.  
  
Ryou: I cannot believe you just did that! Again!  
  
Bakura: HAHAHAHAHaaaaaa!!! I can't believe that little shrimp keeps falling for it!   
  
Ryou: Argh! You-you-you FREAK!!!  
  
Bakura: You need to work on your insults. Mwahah. Yugi thinks you're evil now. Heheheh.  
  
Ryou: Thanks to you!   
  
Bakura: It's worth the rant I'm going to get off that stupid pharaoh for confusing and traumatizing his hikari.  
  
Ryou: Oh, how do I explain this to Yugi? For some reason he never believes me when I tell him you just like to make things up to annoy me!  
  
Bakura: Probably because he's an idiot.   
  
Ryou: And there's something else I'd like to know, besides why you always do this to me!  
  
Bakura: And that is?  
  
Ryou: Where the hell did you and Marik get so many mice?  
  
TBC  
  
Reviews are always nice. 


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: Not mine.  
  
Warnings: Yes, the stupidity shall continue!  
  
Author: Koneko Shido  
  
A/N: Otogi! Yay!!  
  
For dub fans:   
  
Honda = Tristan  
  
Otogi = Duke Devlin  
  
Question Time 12  
  
Honda: Ow!   
  
Otogi: Ow?  
  
Honda: Yes, is there a problem with that? I cut myself with the scissors!  
  
Otogi: But we're helping out in nursery class, and these are plastic safety scissors that won't even cut through wet tissue paper.  
  
Honda: Well they cut me, dammit!  
  
Otogi: Eww! Blood! Get it away!  
  
Honda: Huh?  
  
Otogi: Argh! Get that away from me!  
  
Honda: But it's just one drop of blood, don't be such a wuss!  
  
Otogi: I can't help it! I hate blood!  
  
Honda: You're such a girl.  
  
Otogi: What did you call me!?  
  
Honda: A girl?  
  
Otogi: How dare you!?   
  
Honda: Oh, look, more blood.  
  
Otogi: Aaa!! Stop squeezing it! You're making it bleed more!  
  
Honda: Yeah, I know.  
  
Otogi: No! Get it away! Make it stop! I want my mommy!  
  
Honda: Jeez, dude, calm down! You're scaring the toddlers with your pathetic hysterics. And come down off that table!  
  
Otogi: No!   
  
Honda: Don't be such a pansy!  
  
Otogi: I'm not a pansy! I just hate the sight of blood!  
  
Honda: Why? It's not like it's going to grow teeth and bite you!  
  
Otogi: AARGH!!  
  
Honda: Calm down! Look, all the little kids are staring at you! You're making them cry, you freak!  
  
Otogi: I don't care! I'm having a crisis, you unsympathetic bastard!  
  
Honda: Fine, stay up there. It's ok kids, Otogi's just crazy. No, he's not going to jump.   
  
Otogi: I'm not crazy!  
  
Honda: See, kids? This is what happens to women when they have PMS.  
  
Otogi: I'm not a woman, damn you!  
  
Honda: No kids, that's just denial. He's having what grown-ups call an 'identity crisis'.  
  
Otogi: Shut up! I am not!  
  
Honda: Now why don't we all make paper aeroplanes and throw them at Otogi until he falls off the table? Yes, you can paint them. No, you don't need to let the paint dry. Aim for the hair.   
  
Otogi: Don't you dare you little brats! And you, Honda, how can you be so cruel! What would Yugi and his friends think if they saw you now?  
  
Honda: They'd laugh. Yeah, kids, fire away! And if anyone manages to hit him in the eye they get ten points!  
  
TBC  
  
Meheh. Very short, that time. And I was really cruel to Otogi, but you know I like him really! He's just so easy to make fun of! So review, and I'll be a happy bunny. 


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: Not mine.  
  
Warnings: More of the weirdness. And a little swearing...  
  
Author: Koneko Shido  
  
A/N: Mwahah. Christmas Special time!! Yeah, this is a repost.  
  
Question Time 13  
  
Jou: What's Bakura doing on the computer?  
  
Ryou: Are you sure you really want to know?  
  
Jou: It can't be worse than some of the things Kaiba says to me.   
  
Kaiba: I heard that.  
  
Jou: ...  
  
Ryou: Well, if you must know, his latest hobby, if you can really call it that, is tormenting the suicidal teenagers on various internet chatrooms until he's forcibly removed. At least he isn't playing with mice any more, or trying to convince Yugi that I'm evil and secretly abusing him.  
  
Jou: He does that?  
  
Ryou: Amongst other things.  
  
Jou: And are you secretly abusing him?  
  
Ryou: What!? Of course not!  
  
Kaiba: Shame.  
  
Malik: Yeah. Has anyone seen my yami? He was here a minute ago...  
  
Ryou: How could you lose that thing?!  
  
Malik: By trying very, very hard. Oh, there he is scaring Otogi.  
  
Ryou: Should we stop him?  
  
Jou: Nah, let the guy have his fun.   
  
Honda: Does anyone have anything sharp? I want to cut myself so I can go scare Otogi. He's terrified of blood. Did you know he screams like a girl?  
  
Ryou: Ask Bakura. Oh, no...  
  
Jou: What's up?  
  
Ryou: Look. Bakura and Yami are trying to have a conversation. This won't end well.  
  
Yugi: Hey guys! I left Yami with Bakura to play with the computer. Um, what's wrong?  
  
Ryou: Uh, nothing...  
  
(Over with Yami and Bakura...)  
  
Yami: Tomb robber.  
  
Bakura: Pharaoh.  
  
Yami: How is Ryou?  
  
Bakura: He's fine.   
  
Yami: What are you doing on that computer?  
  
Bakura: I'm- Oh, hell, I can't do it! Being civil to you is way too much effort. You're a stupid little smurf and your hair disturbs me. There, I feel better now.  
  
Yami: Glad to hear it.  
  
Bakura: Damn straight.  
  
Yami: I doubt it.  
  
Bakura: Why does everyone always say that, dammit!? And you're one to talk, we all know you and your little hikari screw like underage porn stars every chance you get!  
  
Yami: How dare you?! We do not!  
  
Bakura: Heh, who do you think you're kidding?  
  
Yami: It's not true, I tell you! We're just very good friends who happen to hold hands a lot!  
  
Bakura: Yeah, right. I'll believe that the day I join Anzu's friendship cult.  
  
Yami: Hmph. Shut up. Besides, everyone knows Ryou has you totally bitch-whipped anyway, so you have no right to laugh at me.  
  
Bakura: Bitch-whipped?   
  
Yami: I couldn't think of a male equivalent.  
  
Bakura: I see. So just because your head is pointy, it doesn't mean you're sharp. I'm not bitch-whipped, whatever the hell that means, you little stuck-up pain in the ass!  
  
Yugi: What's going on here? Why are you two yelling so much?  
  
Bakura: The Pharaoh's being mean to me.  
  
Yugi: Yami, that's not nice.  
  
Yami: Wha-?  
  
Bakura: Meheheh.  
  
Yami: But I wasn't!  
  
Bakura: AND he was swearing.  
  
Yugi: gasp Yami!  
  
Yami: But-  
  
Bakura: Nobody loves me!  
  
Yugi: Say sorry to Bakura, Yami! Right now!  
  
Yami: But-  
  
Yugi: Now, Yami!  
  
Yami: Grrrr. Fine, I'm sorry tomb robber. Happy now?  
  
Bakura: Yep!   
  
Yugi: That's better. Now I'm going to get a drink, and you had better be nice to Bakura, Yami!  
  
Yami: Hmph.  
  
Bakura: ...  
  
Yami: What are you smirking at, tomb robber?  
  
Bakura: ...MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
Yami: Shut up!  
  
Bakura: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Bitch-whipped!!  
  
Yami: Argh! Ryou!!!  
  
Ryou: Yes?  
  
Yami: Don't sneak up on me like that! Your yami is being... EVIL!!  
  
Ryou: Oh?  
  
Bakura: HAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
Ryou: Oh, I see.  
  
Yami: He's laughing at me!  
  
Ryou: I had gathered that, yes.  
  
Bakura: Look, an angry elf! Or is it a Christmas tree? HAHAHAHAH!!!!!  
  
Yami: ...What is he talking about?  
  
Ryou: Don't worry, I speak fluent weirdo. He means that he's very sorry for upsetting you and he feels very guilty.  
  
Yami: Oh. Well... good. I'm going to find Yugi before I send that laughing idiot to the shadow realm.  
  
Bakura: Mwahahah. Remember not to feed Yugi after midnight! And don't get him wet! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
Ryou: Ignore him, he does this all the time.   
  
Yami: Hmph.  
  
(Back with Kaiba and the others)  
  
Jou: What's bitch-whipped?  
  
Kaiba: I don't know, but it sounds like fun. We could always make something up.  
  
Malik: Hey, you're rich, why don't you have one of those velcro sex-wall things?  
  
Kaiba: That's a good question.  
  
Jou: Uh... what?  
  
Kaiba: I should get one.  
  
Malik: Yeah, then you can stick Jou to it and molest him, and he won't be able to move.  
  
Jou: Uh...  
  
Kaiba: Or I could just chain him to the bed.  
  
Malik: And smear him with honey.  
  
Kaiba: And lick it off.  
  
Malik: I'll help. I like honey.  
  
Jou: Um...  
  
Kaiba: We could have him with strawberries.   
  
Malik: Sounds like a plan.  
  
Jou: I'm going to run away now...  
  
Kaiba: No you're not, you have to stay for the orgy.  
  
Jou: We're having an orgy?  
  
Malik: You didn't know?  
  
Kaiba: It's a Christmas tradition. That's why Mokuba's not here. He's underage.  
  
Jou: Um, does everyone else know about this, or were you just planning to spring it on them?  
  
Malik: Oh, they all know. I guess we just forgot to tell you.  
  
Kaiba: You can ask them if you like.  
  
Jou: I will! I can't believe everyone would be in on this! Surely they're not that perverted! Yugi, c'mere!  
  
Yugi: Yes?  
  
Jou: Um...  
  
Malik: He doesn't believe we're having an orgy later.  
  
Yugi: Oh.   
  
Jou: Oh?  
  
Yugi: Well... we are? Why, don't you want to?  
  
Jou: ...  
  
Ryou: What's the matter?  
  
Yugi: I was just telling Jou about the orgy.  
  
Ryou: Oh.  
  
Jou: I'm starting to feel out of my depth, here...  
  
Bakura: You'd be out of your depth in a puddle. Is it orgy time yet? I'm bored with tormenting the Pharaoh.  
  
Marik: Let's tie him up and pour chocolate sauce all over him!  
  
Bakura: Good idea, let's go grab him while he's distracted.  
  
Jou: Now I'm scared.  
  
Honda: I'm straight, so I'm gonna go hide.  
  
Otogi: Can I come?  
  
Malik: But we had big plans for you, Otogi!  
  
Otogi: Um...  
  
Kaiba: Glad to see you approve.  
  
Jou: Can I go hide, too?  
  
Kaiba: Are you straight?  
  
Jou: Well I slept with you and Malik, so obviously not...  
  
Kaiba: Then no. And the orgy is compulsory. It was on the party invitation.  
  
Jou: No it wasn't!  
  
Kaiba: Didn't you read the small print?  
  
Jou: Your Christmas party invitations had small print?!  
  
Malik: Look, it says right here.  
  
Jou: Damn, it does, too!  
  
Marik: Look, we got the pharaoh!  
  
Yami: Let go of me, you demented idiots!  
  
Bakura: Um, no?  
  
Marik: We want to play our new game with you!  
  
Yami: What new game?  
  
Bakura: It's called 'cover the pharaoh in chocolate sauce and molest him, then videotape it and give copies to everyone we know.'  
  
Yami: What?! Let go of me! Yugi! Help!  
  
Yugi: It's nice to see you're all finally getting along.  
  
Bakura: Isn't it?  
  
Marik: Yeah, we just love the pharaoh.  
  
Yugi: Good.  
  
Yami: whimper Ryou, you're almost sane, help me!  
  
Ryou: Oh, don't worry, he won't hurt you. He just wants to play.  
  
Bakura: Yeah, play.  
  
Yami: Malik?   
  
Malik: Sorry, Marik only listens to me when I take off my clothes, and the orgy hasn't started yet.  
  
Marik: Yup.  
  
Kaiba: Come on puppy, orgy time.  
  
Jou: You sound way too happy.   
  
Kaiba: Why shouldn't I be?  
  
Jou: This is just... messed up.   
  
Kaiba: True. Fun, though.  
  
Ryou: Too many freaks, not enough circuses.  
  
TBC  
  
Yup. Review if you love me. 


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: Not mine  
  
Warnings: Same as the other parts...  
  
Author: Koneko Shido  
  
A/N: This one is set the morning after the 'Xmas party' and has a little cruelty to Yami. You know I love him really, though, right? Setting: They're pretty much all in a big bed in Kaiba's room. Yami is tied up in the middle with Bakura and Malik on either side of him, and Yugi and Ryou are on either side of them. Kaiba and Jou are at the end of the bed. You don't really need to know all that, though...  
  
Question Time 14  
  
Yugi: Well, that was fun.  
  
Ryou: If slightly disturbing.  
  
Yami: I'd appreciate it if someone could untie me now so that I can go wash this syrup off my chest.  
  
Bakura: Nope.  
  
Malik: And that's chocolate sauce, Pharaoh.  
  
Yami: Where exactly has Marik run off to?  
  
Malik: In the shower with Otogi.  
  
Yami: They're having sex in the shower??  
  
Malik: No, I think they're just having a shower... together.  
  
Kaiba: Well, that's a sad waste of a gratuitous shower scene.  
  
Jou: You're obsessed!  
  
Kaiba: And you're pretty.  
  
Jou: Pretty!? As in, like a flower?  
  
Kaiba: No, as in hot.  
  
Bakura: Heh. 'Hotdog.'  
  
Ryou: Oh, ha, ha.  
  
Kaiba: Well?  
  
Jou: Oh, yeah. You're... um... tall.  
  
Kaiba: I'm flattered.  
  
Jou: You have, uh, nice eyes. I guess.  
  
Kaiba: That's a little better.  
  
Bakura: I have some nice eyes. Somewhere.  
  
Ryou: No you don't, I threw them out.  
  
Bakura: But I was saving those!  
  
Ryou: They were decomposing!  
  
Malik: Marik has a teeth collection, if you want some of those.  
  
Yugi: Why does Marik collect teeth?  
  
Malik: Why not? everyone needs a hobby and it's more fun than stamps.  
  
Yugi: Oh. Can I untie Yami now?  
  
Bakura: No.  
  
Yugi: Why not?  
  
Malik: We want to write things on him in permanent marker.  
  
Yami: Hey!  
  
Bakura: Can I gag him? Please??  
  
Ryou: He said please, he must really want to do it.  
  
Yugi: I don't see why not.  
  
Yami: What?! But-mmph!! Mmnnmm!!  
  
Malik: What did you say, pharaoh? You want us to do what with the chocolate sauce??  
  
Yami: Mmph! Mmphh!!  
  
Malik: And you'd like to stay here a little longer, so you don't mind if Yugi goes home?  
  
Yugi: Are you sure that's what he's saying? He's shaking his head a lot.  
  
Bakura: Back in ancient Egypt that meant yes.  
  
Yugi: Really?  
  
Bakura: Would I lie to you?  
  
Yugi: Oh, ok then. Have fun, Yami!  
  
Yami: MMMMMMPH!!!!!  
  
Malik: He says goodbye, and don't wait up for him.  
  
Yugi: Bye Yami!  
  
Ryou: Well, that was immature.  
  
Bakura: Yet satisfyingly wicked.  
  
Malik: Kaiba and Jou are making out again, so what shall we do with the pharaoh?  
  
Bakura: Traumatize him terribly?  
  
Ryou: I'm having no part in this.  
  
Malik: We could spit-roast him.  
  
Bakura: Or sell him to gypsies.  
  
Ryou: Or let him go and stop scaring him.  
  
Yami: Mmmm!! Mmmhh!!  
  
Malik: He says he's not scared, you English wuss.  
  
Ryou: Well! See if i ever try to help you again! I'm going to get some breakfast.  
  
Bakura: Did he really say that?  
  
Malik: Nah. I just thought it was funny.  
  
Bakura: Oh. It was. Can we draw on him and take photos now?  
  
Yami: MMMMMPH!!!  
  
Malik: I'll get the camera.  
  
TBC  
  
There, another chapter down. Review! 


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: Not mine, nor is Barney the Dinosaur. Thank god.  
  
Warnings: Cruelty to furry things.   
  
Author: Koneko Shido  
  
A/N: More Bakura stupidity! Yeah!!   
  
Question Time 15  
  
Bakura: Mwa!!  
  
Ryou: Mwa?  
  
Bakura: Yes, Mwa! I burnt my tongue on this baka drink you made me! You're trying to kill me!!   
  
Ryou: Yes, of course I am. Because I'm so stupid that I really thought you'd die from your tea being too hot, and just plain shooting you would never work in a million years.  
  
Bakura: ...You lost me.   
  
Ryou: That's not entirely unexpected, sadly.  
  
Bakura: First you try to kill me, now you insult me?!  
  
Ryou: I did not try to kill you, you idiot. Tell me, when you picked up the mug of tea, did you notice steam rising from it?  
  
Bakura: Yes, and?  
  
Ryou: And did you perhaps burn your hand from picking the mug up?  
  
Bakura: Now that you mention it, yes...  
  
Ryou: And did these signs not give you fair warning that there was a pretty good chance the tea was hot?  
  
Bakura: ...Shut up.   
  
Ryou: Why aren't you at Malik and Marik's house, anyway?  
  
Bakura: Ishizu.  
  
Ryou: Oh? What did she do?  
  
Bakura: She got angry when we accidentally randomly learnt how to make napalm in her bathroom. I think it's still burning. But she kicked me out and locked Marik in the basement with that Barney teddy he's terrified of. It's his punishment, when I left he was still screaming at it not to come any closer.  
  
Ryou: It moves?  
  
Bakura: ...No.   
  
Ryou: What about Malik?  
  
Bakura: She made him a list of things we're never allowed to touch again, and made him memorize it, then she took his millennium Rod off him and told him he can't have it back until he promises to be a good boy.  
  
Ryou: And did he promise?  
  
Bakura: Well yeah, but obviously he was lying.   
  
Ryou: That doesn't surprise me in the slightest. Just what was on Ishizu's list, then?  
  
Bakura: The microwave, the lawnmower, chainsaws, the oven, cars, animals, plants, sugar, alcohol, paint, fire, eggs, meat and the television.  
  
Ryou: I'm not sure I want to know, but why are eggs and meat on that list?  
  
Bakura: Well Marik made up this game with eggs, it was really fun, too! We all sat on the swings, and went as high as we could, then threw an egg straight up in the air. When you swing back down it hits you.  
  
Ryou: That's a pathetic game. I'm pretty sure that's the saddest thing I've ever heard.  
  
Bakura: We also like to hit them with tennis rackets. They explode.  
  
Ryou: And the meat??  
  
Bakura: Oh, we all got drunk and put some raw meat in the blender, then dared each other to drink it. And we were all sick. Repeatedly. In Ishizu's room. On her bed.   
  
Ryou: That's... disgusting. So you've actually drunk raw meat?? That's horrid!  
  
Bakura: I've done worse. I drank fish once.  
  
Ryou: How can you drink fish?  
  
Bakura: Blender? It works on most things.   
  
Ryou: Oh, I think I'm going to be sick...  
  
Bakura: Cool, save some for me!  
  
TBC  
  
Short and sick! Yeah! Actually, that last line is something my uncle always says to me whenever I'm ill... which is slightly disturbing. Actually, he usually says 'save me the lumpy bits'. Yeah, I know. Great way to make someone get over feeling nauseous, isn't it? He's that kind of guy. shrug And the eggs thing... My brother made up the swings game. ;; And hitting eggs with tennis rackets is fun!!  
  
Review!! Reviews are gooood. 


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: Still not mine.  
  
Warnings: There's a bit of gore (sort of...) in this one, so anyone who's squeamish about Bakura being himself look away now. No, it's not animals. This time it's some random member of the public. And there's a bit of perversion in this one. You were warned!  
  
Author: Koneko Shido  
  
A/N: Yup, there's more. Sick of me yet?  
  
Question Time 16  
  
[They're in bed, with the lights off.]  
  
Ryou: Eek!  
  
Bakura: What?  
  
Ryou: Is that your foot? It's freezing!  
  
Bakura: It might be, pass it here and let me have a look.  
  
Ryou: ...what?  
  
Bakura: Yeah, I think that's mine. I must have left it there. Then again, it could be Marik's, I'll have to ask him in the morning.  
  
Ryou: Please don't tell me that was a severed leg.  
  
Bakura: Ok, I won't. I'll just put it on the floor and give it to Marik tomorrow.  
  
Ryou: ...  
  
Bakura: What?  
  
Ryou: Whose leg was it, before you cut it off?  
  
Bakura: I don't know, some guy. You can have a look if you want, I think the rest of him might be under the bed.   
  
Ryou: U-under the bed...?  
  
Bakura: Yup. Except his left hand, that's in the fridge. And I think I left some of his toes in the medicine cabinet. And Malik has his tongue. He wanted to send it to Otogi.  
  
Ryou: That's sick!  
  
Bakura: Yeah, I know. He should send it to Anzu.  
  
Ryou: No, I mean you have a dead body under our bed, you idiot!  
  
Bakura: I think he's dead, anyway. I haven't heard anything out of him in a while.  
  
Ryou: And just what did this poor man do to you that warranted cutting him into bits and hiding him around the house?  
  
Bakura: Erm... I can't remember. It was probably something bad, though.  
  
Ryou: And murdering him wasn't?!  
  
Bakura: No?  
  
Ryou: You're an idiot! Get rid of that body right now!!  
  
Bakura: Meheheheh.  
  
Ryou: What's so funny?!?  
  
Bakura: You're such a wuss. I was only kidding, you know. There isn't a body under the bed.   
  
Ryou; Then what was that cold thing?  
  
Bakura: Erm... a cucumber.  
  
Ryou: ...What was a cucumber doing in our bed?  
  
Bakura: Are you sure you really want to know?  
  
Ryou: No. I'm going to sleep now so I don't have to think too hard about that.  
  
Bakura: Ok then.   
  
[Ten minutes later...]  
  
Ryou: Are you asleep?  
  
Bakura: Yes.  
  
Ryou: How can you be asleep if you just answered me?  
  
Bakura: I didn't.  
  
Ryou: Yes you did! And you can't be asleep if you're talking!  
  
Bakura: I'm not talking.  
  
Ryou: ...WHY do I have to put up with you? WHY??  
  
Bakura: You love me really. Meheheh.  
  
TBC  
  
Review, review! 


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: Not mine.  
  
Warnings: Two parts to this one, because I couldn't think of anything to string together. I'm getting worse!!  
  
Author: Koneko Shido  
  
A/N: Lacking imagination today...  
  
Question Time 17  
  
[In Kaiba's office, eating sandwiches on the floor]  
  
Jou: If Marik, Yami and Bakura were the Powerpuff girls, who would be Bubbles?  
  
Kaiba: Marik.  
  
Jou: Why?  
  
Kaiba: He's blonde and insane. What? It fits. And he could wear a really, really short skirt.  
  
Jou: Can you actually picture Marik in a skirt?  
  
Kaiba: Yes?  
  
Jou: Why are you looking at me?!  
  
Kaiba: Why not?  
  
Jou: You're picturing me in a skirt, aren't you?!  
  
Kaiba: ...no?  
  
Jou: Liar!! Pervert!!  
  
Kaiba: Have you only just figured that out?  
  
Jou: Good point. So who would be Buttercup?  
  
Kaiba: Definitely Bakura. He has the attitude down perfectly.  
  
Jou: There's a disturbing image. So Yami is Blossom?  
  
Kaiba: Of course, for some stupid reason he's always the leader of every damn thing. And he gets off on telling everyone what to do.  
  
Jou: Erm... Riiiight. Why are we even talking about this? This has to be one of the weirdest conversations we've ever had.  
  
Kaiba: You were the one who asked.  
  
Jou: Was I?  
  
Kaiba: I don't know, I can't remember.  
  
Jou: Oh. Ok then, if we were all in a band, what instruments would everyone play?  
  
Kaiba: You and Malik would be on guitars, Marik would be on the drums because he likes to hit things, Bakura could be the lead singer, Yugi and Ryou can be the eye candy and Yami can be on the keyboard.  
  
Jou: What about you?  
  
Kaiba: I'd be the manager, duh. And I'd pretty much own you all, so you'd all have to do whatever I told you to.  
  
Jou: Oh, not this again.  
  
Kaiba: Not what? I just want a harem, is that too much to ask?!  
  
[At Ryou's house. Bakura is watching TV, Yugi is sitting on the floor nearby. Ryou is out.]  
  
Yugi: Can I watch TV?  
  
Bakura: No, I'm watching Pokemon. Go away, you... thing.  
  
Yugi: But I wanna!!!  
  
Bakura: Go stick your head in the oven.  
  
Yugi: Pleeeease?  
  
Bakura: Hmm, now how could I kill you and make it look like an accident?  
  
Yugi: Aww, but I'll tell you a secret if you let me!  
  
Bakura: What secret?  
  
Yugi: I'll tell you what Yami's worst fear is.  
  
Bakura: Mwahah, sensing blackmail opportunities. Ok, tell me.  
  
Yugi: It's ghosts.  
  
Bakura: Uh, what?  
  
Yugi: That's it, ghosts. Yami's scared of ghosts.  
  
Bakura: But technically he's a ghost.  
  
Yugi: Yeah, that's what makes it so stupid. It's funny though, right?  
  
Bakura: Sort of, when you get past how pathetic that is. So I'm kind of a ghost too, is he scared of me?  
  
Yugi: Nah.  
  
Bakura: What?? Why the hell not?!  
  
Yugi: He says you look too much like a Bond villain.  
  
Bakura: A what?  
  
Yugi: You know, a bad guy from a James Bond movie? He says he's going to buy you a white cat and a laser.  
  
Bakura: Oh, he is so dead. Is he scared of Marik?  
  
Yugi: Hell yeah, who isn't?  
  
Bakura: Me?  
  
Yugi: I meant sane people.  
  
Bakura: Ok, fine. Then Malik.  
  
Yugi: Malik's a basket case too, you know.  
  
Bakura: What about Kaiba? He's not scared of anyone.  
  
Yugi: Yeah, and he's a headcase too.  
  
Bakura: Yeah, I guess so. So why is everyone so scared of Marik, and not me, dammit?!  
  
Yugi: Because you look like a really crap pirate or something. And there are just way too many sick jokes waiting to be made about that ring.  
  
Bakura: Don't even think about it, brat.  
  
Yugi: I wasn't! I'm sweet and innocent, remember? I am Yugi Motou, I can do no wrong.  
  
Bakura: Oh yeah. But at least I have a millennium item, unlike some people.  
  
Yugi: I share with Yami.  
  
Bakura: Damn.  
  
Yugi: Anyway, yours just looks like a really tacky bit of jewellery. At least everyone else's are useful for things other than sending people to the shadow realm.  
  
Bakura: Meh?  
  
Yugi: Like Marik's, he can stab people with the rod, because it also doubles as a cool dagger. And my puzzle is really heavy, so you can hit people with it, or use it to break a window if you're trapped in a car sinking in a river. And the scales can weigh things, like cheese. And Ishizu's necklace looks pretty and doubles as a fashion accessory, the Ankh can probably unlock doors and stuff, and the eye is really handy for playing table tennis if you lose the ball. But your ring just sits there and looks like something you bought for a dollar off some ugly gypsy.  
  
Bakura: Hey! It can do lots of stuff!  
  
Yugi: Like what?  
  
Bakura: Uh... lethal death frisbee?  
  
Yugi: I guess so.  
  
Bakura: There, now say sorry. You hurt its feelings.  
  
Yugi: It's a lump of metal, I'm sure it'll get over it.  
  
Bakura: Say sorry, dammit! Or I'll bring out Dark Necrofear to chase you around the house again. Ryou isn't here to save you this time, you know.  
  
Yugi: Argh! Ok, ok, I'm sorry!  
  
Bakura: What's so scary about her anyway?  
  
Yugi: Are you kidding? She's freaky! With that broken doll and everything? Eww!  
  
Bakura: Maybe you're just a wuss? You're worse than Ryou!  
  
Yugi: No I'm not, he's scared of Mystical Elf!  
  
Bakura: Yeah, but that's just because I told him what she's really saying when she does that chant.  
  
Yugi: What is she saying, then?  
  
Bakura: I don't know, I don't speak weird made-up elf language. I just made something up to freak Ryou out.  
  
Yugi: So what did you tell him?  
  
Bakura: I think I said she was singing Bon Jovi songs, or something.  
  
Yugi: Damn, that image is pretty scary.  
  
Bakura: Yeah.  
  
Yugi: Yay! I get the TV now! We're watching S-Club week on MTV!!!  
  
Bakura: Argh! No! Get it away!!! Ryou, help me!! Make it stop!!  
  
TBC  
  
I like Bon Jovi, and I hate those S-Club brats, so meh. Review. 


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: Not mine.  
  
Warnings: Naked bishies. Really!  
  
Author: Koneko Shido  
  
A/N: Enjoy...  
  
Question Time 18  
  
[At Yugi's house]  
  
Yugi: What's up, Jou? You look weird.  
  
Jou: Weird? Oh, thanks a lot.   
  
Yugi: You know what I mean! Not weird like Bakura and Ryou, just weird as in less happy than usual.  
  
Jou: Oh.  
  
Yugi: And are you going to tell me why?  
  
Jou: Kaiba.  
  
Yugi: Oh? What did he do now, rape you?  
  
Jou: blink  
  
Yugi: What??  
  
Jou: ...nothing. Anyway, I was whining at him because he totally skipped the romance and dating part of our 'relationship' and got straight to the...erm... other bits.  
  
Yugi: Sex?  
  
Jou: Er... yeah. And some other stuff, but you really don't need to know about that because if I tell you I think Yami will hurt me.  
  
Yugi: Ok!  
  
Jou: So anyway, he finally agreed to take me out on a date because I followed him to work and didn't stop whining even when he threatened to have me shot.   
  
Yugi: He'd really shoot you?!  
  
Jou: Hah! Of course not! He'd pay someone else to do it. Anyway, that's not the point!  
  
Yugi: Then what is the point?  
  
Jou: I don't know what to wear.  
  
Yugi: That's your big crisis?!  
  
Jou: Yes?  
  
Yugi: Fiiiine. Ooh, Yami and I can help!!! YAMI!!! Get in here!!!!  
  
Yami: From the next room But Jerry Springer is on!!  
  
Yugi: NOW, OR NO SEX TONIGHT!!  
  
Yami: Yes, dear. slinks in the room looking whipped  
  
Jou: Hey, I thought you were supposed to be all sweet and innocent!  
  
Yugi: sweet smile I am!  
  
Yami: mutter   
  
Yugi: Right, Yami, we have to help Jou pick out some clothes for his date with Kaiba tonight.  
  
Jou: ...yeah. Worried now...  
  
Yami: I'll get the leather.  
  
Yugi: I'll get the buckles!  
  
Jou: I'll just stand here looking disturbed.  
  
Yami: Ok, your regular clothes are in the way, so they must be sent to the shadow realm. sends Jou's clothes to the realm of evil scary things  
  
Jou: Argh! naked  
  
Yugi: snicker  
  
Jou: Could you please not do that?!  
  
Yami: Too late, already done it.  
  
Yugi: Here, you can put on these leather pants to cover yourself up. And look, they even have studs down the sides!  
  
Jou: These should be illegal.  
  
Yami: They are illegal.  
  
Jou: ...riiiight. By the way, I had no idea you could send people's clothes to the shadow realm.   
  
Yami: Fun, isn't it?  
  
Jou: Have you ever done it to your opponent in the middle of a duel?  
  
Yami: Would I do something that dishonourable?   
  
Yugi: Yup.  
  
Jou: So what happened?  
  
Yami: It didn't work.  
  
Jou: Why?  
  
Yami: I tried it on Kaiba.  
  
Jou: So it didn't make his clothes vanish?  
  
Yami: It did, he just didn't care.  
  
Jou: ...what?  
  
Yami: I sent his clothes to the shadow realm, and he just looked down at himself standing there completely naked, shrugged, and got on with the duel.  
  
Jou: Weird. Was anyone watching, other than you?  
  
Yami: Malik, Marik, Yugi, Ryou, Bakura, Mokuba, Otogi and Honda.  
  
Yugi: Mokuba screamed. So did Honda.  
  
Jou: I'm not surprised.  
  
Yami: Bakura and Marik want me to teach them how to banish clothes. Do you think I should?  
  
Jou: It could mean the end of civilization, but it's really up to you. Are all these buckles really necessary?  
  
Yugi: Absolutely!  
  
Jou: What the hell is that?!  
  
Yugi: Eyeliner?  
  
Jou: You want to put makeup on me?!  
  
Yami: I wear that.  
  
Jou: Er-I mean, not that there's anything wrong with guys wearing makeup...  
  
Yugi: Hold still... There, you look very pretty!  
  
Jou: squeak Pretty?!  
  
Yami: Sexy.  
  
Jou: I'm scared...  
  
Yami: purr You should put some chains on that outfit.  
  
Jou: Yugi! Save me from Yami!  
  
Yugi: Oh, chains! I totally forgot about them!  
  
Jou: What?! Hey, what the- I'm not wearing this, I look like a whore!  
  
Yugi: Yup!  
  
Yami: Heheheh.  
  
Jou: Kaiba's going to take one look at this outfit and skip dinner.  
  
Yami: Don't pretend you don't like it.  
  
Yugi: Yep, romance is overrated.  
  
Yami: True. Sex is a lot more fun.  
  
Jou: Can I please leave now?? whimper  
  
TBC  
  
Koneko: gives cookies to reviewers 


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: Not mine.  
  
Warnings: Not much, really. A bit of cruelty to Yugi, even though I like him really. Sort of. His eyes freak me out.  
  
Author: Koneko Shido  
  
A/N: Heheheheh.  
  
Question Time 19  
  
[At Ryou's house with Bakura, Ryou and Yugi.]  
  
Ryou: I'm doing a psychology paper for school, and I need you two to help me.  
  
Yugi: Ok!  
  
Bakura: Meh.  
  
Ryou: I'm glad you both want to help me so much. Right, here's what we do. I'll say a word, and you both have to say the first thing that pops into your heads. Understand?  
  
Yugi: Yep!  
  
Bakura: Meh.  
  
Ryou: Good. Alright, the first word is 'tree'.  
  
Yugi: Bunny!  
  
Bakura: Vines of death.  
  
Ryou: Riiight. How about 'house'?  
  
Yugi: Teddy bear!  
  
Bakura: Corpse in the basement.  
  
Ryou: Lovely. Next is 'snail'.  
  
Yugi: Puppy dog!  
  
Bakura: Crunchy.  
  
Ryou: 'Candle'?  
  
Yugi: Kitty cat!  
  
Bakura: Pyromania.  
  
Ryou: 'Juice'?  
  
Yugi: Butterflies!  
  
Bakura: Blood. I'm having this sudden urge to hit Yugi with something, is that normal?  
  
Ryou: Perfectly. Now 'lion'.  
  
Yugi: Love!  
  
Bakura: Strapping Yugi to the ironing board and ironing him.  
  
Ryou: I'm going to get an F. Ok, how about 'computer'?  
  
Yugi: Baby seals!  
  
Bakura: Blunt force trauma.  
  
Ryou: 'Mice'?  
  
Yugi: Birdies!  
  
Bakura: Blender.  
  
Ryou: 'Fire'?  
  
Yugi: Marshmallows!  
  
Bakura: Arson.  
  
Ryou: If my teacher tells me I'm making this stuff up, I'm going to introduce her to you two. The next word is 'sport'.  
  
Yugi: Hide and seek!  
  
Bakura: Baseball bat, hockey stick, tennis racket, grievous bodily harm, jail sentence.  
  
Ryou: Okaaaay. Let's try this one. 'Star'?  
  
Yugi: Yami!  
  
Bakura: The Pharaoh's idiotic hairstyle.  
  
Ryou: 'Rabbit.'  
  
Yugi: Mr. Snuggles!  
  
Bakura: Rabies.   
  
Ryou: 'Needle.'  
  
Yugi: Dolphins!  
  
Bakura: Ebola virus.  
  
Ryou: 'Cold'?  
  
Yugi: Mr. Polar Bear!  
  
Bakura: Body in the deep freezer. By the way, has anyone explained to this brat that if he were to actually go up and try to pet a Polar Bear, it would probably rip his face off and feed his bloody remains to its children?  
  
Ryou: Don't ruin it for him, Bakura. 'Obsessive'.  
  
Yugi: Elephant!  
  
Bakura: Kaiba.  
  
Ryou: 'Denial'.  
  
Yugi: Fluffy tiger!  
  
Bakura: Stupid blonde dog-thing.  
  
Ryou: I'm assuming you mean Jounouchi. 'Bat'.  
  
Yugi: Fox!  
  
Bakura: Vampire. Blood. Leather. Stupid pharaoh. twitch  
  
Ryou: 'Insane.'  
  
Yugi: Bakura.  
  
Bakura: Yeah, me.  
  
Ryou: 'Card'.  
  
Yugi: Duel monsters! Kuriboh! Yami!!  
  
Bakura: Paper cuts.  
  
Ryou: What??  
  
Bakura: Do you have any idea how many paper cuts I get shuffling that Ra-damned stupid deck of yours? And why the hell do paper cuts hurt more than big, bloody cuts, anyway?   
  
Ryou: I have absolutely no idea. Nor do I care.  
  
Bakura: Meh.  
  
Ryou: 'Jello'.  
  
Yugi: Ice cream!  
  
Bakura: Useless slippery disgusting tasteless watery slime like everything else you cook.  
  
Ryou: glare 'Couch'?  
  
Yugi: Popcorn!  
  
Bakura: Where I'm sleeping tonight?  
  
Ryou: Damn right.  
  
TBC  
  
Poor Bakura. Or poor Ryou? I have no idea. And look, I made little Yugi insane! Go me!! Anyway, review like good minions and I may allow you to join my legions of terror for when I take over the world. Or just not, but you can review anyway. 


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: I don't own it. But then, you already knew that, didn't you?  
  
Warnings: A little bit of Yaoi, and some mentions of Bakura's insane school projects and cruelty to animals.  
  
Author: Koneko Shido  
  
A/N: Meh...  
  
Question Time 20  
  
[Setting: At Ryou's house, with Bakura and Ryou in the living room.]  
  
Ryou: Bakura! You're in trouble!  
  
Bakura: What did I do now?   
  
Ryou: glare  
  
Bakura: What? Is this about the bath?  
  
Ryou: No. And I'm not even going to speculate over what you meant by that. If I find anything living or dead in the bath by tonight, I will castrate you in your sleep.  
  
Bakura: Ooookay... Erm... I have to go clean the... er... things out of the bath.  
  
Ryou: Not yet. I want a word with you.  
  
Bakura: You're doing your angry voice, should I be worried?  
  
Ryou: Very.  
  
Bakura: Can do!  
  
Ryou: I just got your report from school.  
  
Bakura: I go to school?  
  
Ryou: Yes, you do. How can you not remember something like that?!  
  
Bakura: Well, it said on the back of the windowcleaner that drinking it would cause memory loss.  
  
Ryou: Oh. I assume it worked, then.  
  
Bakura: I don't know, I can't remember.  
  
Ryou: ... Shut up. Back to the point, your grades are worse than Jounouchi's.  
  
Bakura: Is that possible?  
  
Ryou: Apparently so.  
  
Bakura: I thought I was doing ok, I did all the stupid assignments they set.  
  
Ryou: It's what you did for them that's the problem, dear.  
  
Bakura: Oh. What did I do for them, again?  
  
Ryou: ...  
  
Bakura: The whole memory loss thing is true, you know. I really did drink windowcleaner.  
  
Ryou: It had warnings on it, why didn't you read them??  
  
Bakura: It said 'keep out of reach of children.' I'm not a child.  
  
Ryou: That's debatable.  
  
Bakura: I was never a child, I'm sure I would have remembered. ...Oh, wait, yes I was.  
  
Ryou: Do I know any people who aren't insane, evil or incredibly stupid?  
  
Bakura: Erm... nope?  
  
Ryou: sigh... Ok, back to the point of this conversation.  
  
Bakura: You were about to tell me what I did wrong in all my classes.  
  
Ryou: Exactly. Firstly, in Japanese class you were supposed to write about something you enjoy doing.  
  
Bakura: I did!  
  
Ryou: You wrote about me, Bakura.  
  
Bakura: And? I enjoy doing you.  
  
Ryou: I don't think the teacher found that amusing, dear.  
  
Bakura: I was just being honest, for once.  
  
Ryou: There are times when you can be too honest, you know.   
  
Bakura: I'll keep that in mind, then.  
  
Ryou: Ok, for English class you swore at the teacher.  
  
Bakura: In English.  
  
Ryou: For a full five minutes, without repeating yourself.  
  
Bakura: Because he told me I hadn't learnt anything. I proved him wrong.  
  
Ryou: He didn't teach you that, though.  
  
Bakura: No, you did.  
  
Ryou: Which is why he failed me, too.  
  
Bakura: And the moral of this story is that you need to get your swearing problem sorted out. Next?  
  
Ryou: growl  
  
Bakura: What about Woodwork? I finished my project and everything! I even painted it!  
  
Ryou: You made a jack-in-the-box.  
  
Bakura: Yep!  
  
Ryou: Filled with razorblades.  
  
Bakura: It took a lot of work.  
  
Ryou; You're just lucky no one was killed.  
  
Bakura: Yeah, I'll admit it needs a little more fine-tuning.   
  
Ryou: You're not supposed to try and kill your entire class, you know.  
  
Bakura: You ruin all my fun.  
  
Ryou: And Metalwork?  
  
Bakura: ...was fun?  
  
Ryou: What the hell was that thing you made, anyway?  
  
Bakura: Mwahah. I call it the bladed egg-whisk of pain and death.  
  
Ryou: Everyone else made keyrings.  
  
Bakura: Uninspired peasants.  
  
Ryou: Science?  
  
Bakura: Is that the one with all the chemicals??  
  
Ryou: Yes.  
  
Bakura: I like that one.  
  
Ryou: You put half the class in hospital and made the teacher's hair fall out.  
  
Bakura: Don't forget the hampster.  
  
Ryou: And you killed the school hampster with a brick, then during biology class you sewed the head of a snake onto it and tried to bring it back to life using lightening.  
  
Bakura: I'm still waiting for a storm.  
  
Ryou: We're not even going to go into how wrong that is.  
  
Bakura: Fine by me! I'm going to call it 'Frankensnakie'.  
  
Ryou: You're also failing maths.  
  
Bakura: They made up a number!  
  
Ryou: Because you have no concept of zero.  
  
Bakura: Meh. Well the baka pharaoh is failing too.  
  
Ryou: If you're not careful I'll invite him over here and make you two study together.  
  
Bakura: But he's evil!  
  
Ryou: No he's not, you're the evil one, moron.  
  
Bakura: Really?  
  
Ryou: Look in the mirror.  
  
Bakura: ...Hey, I do look kinda evil. So am I a bad guy?  
  
Ryou: Yes. Remind me to hide the rest of the cleaning products. Why on earth did you drink the windowcleaner in the first place?!  
  
Bakura: I was thirsty?  
  
Ryou: You'd think I'd've learnt by now, after the time you ate an entire brick of firelighters because you were hungry.   
  
Bakura: Did I do that?  
  
Ryou: Yes.  
  
Bakura: Oh.  
  
Ryou: Indeed.  
  
Bakura: Who are you again?  
  
Ryou: Your better half.  
  
Bakura: Oh.  
  
Ryou: You are such an idiot...  
  
Bakura: And who am I again?  
  
Ryou: smirk My personal slave.  
  
Bakura: Really? I don't seem like the slave type.  
  
Ryou: I assure you, it's true.  
  
Bakura: Wow, I never would have guessed.  
  
Ryou: No. Ok, it's time for you to clean the house now, slave.  
  
Bakura: I have to clean things?  
  
Ryou: That's your job, yes.  
  
Bakura: Can I quit?!  
  
Ryou: No.  
  
Bakura: Hmph.  
  
Ryou: Here's your apron. Now I'm going to lock myself in the bathroom, just in case your memory comes back while you're still wearing that.  
  
Bakura: Ooh, pink. And frilly. Are you sure I'm supposed to wear this?  
  
Ryou: Absolutely.   
  
TBC  
  
Reviewers get Bakura in a pink apron plushies! Ain't he cute? 


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: Not mine.  
  
Warnings: Yaoi, more stupid insults and generally weird goings-on.  
  
Author: Koneko Shido  
  
A/N: Shopping!  
  
Question Time 21  
  
[Scene: Walking to the supermarket with Ryou, Bakura, Yugi, Malik, Yami, and Marik. For no apparent reason, Marik, Malik and Bakura are wearing camouflage army uniforms. Malik is also wheeling his black, shiny motorbike along the side of the road.]  
  
Bakura: I'd like to see someone slap the pharaoh, just to see the look on his face. And I'd like to see someone tell Anzu that there are better things than friends. Like sex. Now there's a teenager with screwed up priorities. I'd also like to see someone get disembowled again, it's been a while.  
  
Ryou: I'd like to see you shut up.  
  
Yami: I'd like to see you comitted to an asylum.  
  
Marik: I'd like to see a shotgun suicide.  
  
Bakura: Yeah, me too.  
  
Ryou: ...  
  
Yami: ...  
  
Yugi: ...  
  
Malik: I like to see fire.  
  
Yami: We all know that, Malik. You being an obsessive pyromaniac and all.  
  
Malik: Hey, I'm not obsessive!  
  
Yami: What about that motorbike thing?  
  
Malik: It's a HARLEY, you ignorant PEASANT!!!! screech of indignation  
  
Yami: Easy way to defeat Malik. scratches pointy bit of puzzle down side of shiny black motorbike paint, leaving a big, ugly scratch  
  
Malik: ... faints  
  
Marik: slings unconscious bishonen over his shoulder and carries him  
  
Bakura: Well, that was amusing.  
  
Yugi: I want cherries! Can I have cherries, Yami? Please? puppy eyes Pleasepleasepleaseplease??  
  
Bakura: I want to kick Yugi! Can I kick Yugi, Ryou? Please? slightly eviler puppy eyes Pleasepleasepleaseplease??  
  
Yami: Leave my hikari alone, you bipolar kleptomaniac.  
  
Bakura: What in the what?  
  
Yami: I said you're a bipolar kleptomaniac. And an idiot.  
  
Bakura: Kill...pharaoh...  
  
Ryou: glare Don't even think about it.  
  
Bakura: Mutter Stupid stuck-up pharaoh... stupid hair... Grrrr...  
  
Ryou: Don't you think you're perhaps overreacting a little?  
  
Bakura: He called me a bipolar kleptomaniac!!   
  
Ryou: And you know perfectly well that he's right.  
  
Bakura: That's not the point!! Hmph, he thinks he's so tough. Let's see how cocky he is when I steal his puzzle and melt it down into a sennen spoon!  
  
Ryou: As amusing as the idea of Yami being summoned from cutlery is, I don't really think you'd get away with that.  
  
Bakura: seethe ...GrrrrRRrrrrRRRRRRRrrrrRRR....  
  
Ryou: Stop that, you sound like a defective lawnmower.  
  
Yami: smirk  
  
Bakura: Can I kill him? Please? Just a little bit?  
  
Ryou: No. And what on earth do you mean by 'just a little bit'??  
  
Bakura: Erm... I'll put all the bits back together afterwards?  
  
Ryou: Remember your diet.  
  
Bakura: But I don't wanna be on a stupid diet!! whine  
  
Yugi: Diet?  
  
Ryou: Bakura is on a 'not killing things' diet.  
  
Yugi: Confused.  
  
Ryou: It basically means that instead of stomping on small, defenceless animals, he's now only allowed to stomp on jelly-filled donuts. You generally get the same result, just with less death.  
  
Yugi: Ah. I'll bet it makes him look really stupid, though, huh?  
  
Ryou: Shh, he hasn't figured that out yet.  
  
Yugi: Oh, right. What were we talking about before this, again?  
  
Yami: Things we like to see.  
  
Ryou: I like to see... white roses. sweet smile  
  
Bakura: I'd like to see you grow some testosterone, you girl.  
  
Ryou: I'd also like to see Bakura get splattered by a bullet train.  
  
Marik: snicker I like to see eyeballs. Eyeballs are nice. They're squishy.  
  
Bakura: I like to see those really weird hallucinations you get if you eat the right bugs.  
  
Yugi: Eww... You eat bugs??  
  
Bakura: Not when I'm sober.  
  
Ryou: Liar.  
  
Bakura: That was a worm, not a bug.  
  
Yugi: Eww! You ate a worm!?  
  
Ryou: Don't get him started, he'll only want to list all the things he's eaten, which, by the way, you don't want to hear.  
  
Marik: I like to see people's skin melting when they get radiation poisoning.  
  
Yami: Does that actually happen?  
  
Bakura: Hopefully.  
  
Ryou: I live with that thing. Can you believe it?  
  
Bakura: I like to see pensioners on fire.  
  
Marik: Yeah, me too. Wanna go light some old people?  
  
Bakura: Why the hell not? Shopping is boring anyway.  
  
Ryou: Don't you dare, you evil pillock!!  
  
Bakura: fingers in ears La la la, I can't hear you. sings  
  
Yami: Want me to send him to the shadow realm? looks hopeful  
  
Ryou: scowl Fat lot of good that ever does! He keeps getting thrown out and ending up back at my house! They're scared he'll take over!  
  
Yami: Oh.  
  
Yugi: Can I get some cherries now?  
  
Ryou: sigh I want sane friends...  
  
TBC  
  
The army clothes had nothing to do with anything, really, it was just in a very strange dream I had... I have great dreams. grin Anyway, review! Yes! 


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: Not mine, really!  
  
Warnings: Sings "Whoa-oh-oh-oah, sweet child o' mine!!!!" Er, what was I doing again??  
  
Author: Koneko Shido  
  
A/N: Aww, the date.   
  
Question Time 22   
  
[At some romantic-looking restaurant with a dance floor surrounded by tables and pretty sparkly lights.]  
  
Jou: Wow, you actually showed up! I'm impressed.  
  
Kaiba: You're easily pleased, I like that.  
  
Jou: This place is posh, do they have burgers here?  
  
Kaiba: Do you ever eat anything else?  
  
Jou: No? Burgers have all five food groups! Counts on fingers Meat, bread, sesame seeds, grease and pickles!  
  
Kaiba: You disturb me greatly. How can you still be alive? Shouldn't you have had a heart attack by now?  
  
Jou: Would you miss me if I died? big eyes  
  
Kaiba: I'd miss the sex.  
  
Jou: This romance thing is waaaay over your head, isn't it?  
  
Kaiba: ...  
  
Jou: ...  
  
Kaiba: Everyone else is dancing.  
  
Jou: Are you asking me to dance?   
  
Kaiba: Are you refusing me?  
  
Jou: Are you avoiding the question?  
  
Kaiba: Are you?  
  
Jou: Do you even remember what we were arguing about?  
  
Kaiba: Do you?  
  
Jou: Yes?  
  
Kaiba: Oh. I don't want to dance, I want to drag you off somewhere dark and molest you. But, seeing as you're being stubborn and not letting me until I've sat through this romantic crap for at least three hours, I can't think of anything better to do.  
  
Jou: Aww, you're so sweet.  
  
Kaiba: Tell anyone and I'll have you shot.  
  
Jou: That's what you always say. Besides, I was being sarcastic.  
  
Kaiba: Really? I didn't know you had the mental capacity for sarcasm, it being the lowest form of wit and all.  
  
Jou: I love you too.  
  
Kaiba: smirk  
  
[After ten minutes of dancing...]  
  
Kaiba: I'm hungry.  
  
Jou: Then let's get something to eat, Seto-chan!  
  
Kaiba: ... What did you just call me?  
  
Jou: Seto-chan?  
  
Kaiba: ...  
  
Jou: What's wrong, Seto-chan?  
  
Kaiba: Why are you calling me... that.  
  
Jou: Because it annoys the crap out of you?  
  
Kaiba: ...Stop it before I feed you your own head.  
  
Jou: Do you have any idea how wrong that sounded? And if you don't want me to call you Seto-chan, I won't call you it any more, ok darling?  
  
Kaiba: Growl 'Darling'?  
  
Jou: Yes?  
  
Kaiba: Call me darling again and I will castrate you.  
  
Jou: Ok, honey.  
  
Kaiba: Getting annoyed now... twitch  
  
Jou: Aww, poor muffin.  
  
Kaiba: Pale Muffin?!?  
  
Jou: You don't like being called muffin, sweetie?  
  
Kaiba: choke ...  
  
Jou: How about fluffy-bunny-kins, then?  
  
Kaiba: Alright, we can go to Burger World, just stop it!!!  
  
Jou: Smirk I win.  
  
Kaiba: Tell no one.  
  
Jou: Ok, sugar!!  
  
TBC  
  
Meheheheh. I had way too much fun writing this. Review! 


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: Don't own it. But I do own Frankensnakie!! pets Frankensnakie  
  
Warnings: Random, random stupidity. Did I mention random?? Slight mention of cruelty to Otogi's dog.  
  
Author: Koneko Shido  
  
A/N: Marik and Malik. For anyone who cares, Harley-chan is Malik's motorbike (a Harley Davidson), Frankensnakie is Bakura's freakish pet, and Marik is insane. Plus, remember Yami scratching Harley-chan with his puzzle? Remember that. Yes. 'Tis important-ish.   
  
Question Time 23  
  
Marik: Hikari! I want a pet!! I neeeeed one!!  
  
Malik: Why do you need a pet??  
  
Marik: Everyone else has one!  
  
Malik: Since when were you a conformist?  
  
Marik: blink Erm... yes?  
  
Malik: That made no sense. Anyway, nobody we know has a pet, so why do you need one? Wait, was this another dream you had? Yami, remember that talk we had about what's a dream and what's reality?  
  
Marik: No?  
  
Malik: sigh  
  
Marik: Anyway, everyone else has pets.  
  
Malik: Like what?  
  
Marik: Otogi has a chihuahua.  
  
Malik: Had a chihuahua. And do you remember what happened to it?  
  
Marik: We microwaved it! grin  
  
Malik: Yes. So Otogi has no pets.  
  
Marik: Well, Bakura has Frankensnakie.  
  
Malik: That thing isn't even an animal! It's bits of lots of other animals sewn together!  
  
Marik: It still counts!  
  
Malik: Fine, Frankensnakie counts. But that's only one pet out of everyone we know, so you're still losing this argument.  
  
Marik: Kaiba has a dog.  
  
Malik: That's not his pet, it's his boyfriend, baka.  
  
Marik; Still counts. Folds arms and pouts  
  
Malik: Fine.   
  
Marik: Pharaoh has Yugi.  
  
Malik: Is Yugi an animal?  
  
Marik: Yup. Yugi is a bushbaby!!  
  
Malik: ...? Ok, I guess I have no argument there. Who else?  
  
Marik: You have 'Harley-chan'.  
  
Malik: That's completely different! Harley-chan is not a pet!! It's a soul mate!!  
  
Marik: You talk to it, though. And take it for walks.  
  
Malik: Hmph. sulking Fine.  
  
Marik: Hee. giggle So can I have a pet?? Pleasepleaseplease hikari!!! whine  
  
Malik: sigh Fine, but nothing bigger than a dog and nothing that will bite, scratch, poison or lick me.  
  
Marik: But I'm still allowed to lick you, right?  
  
Malik: nod   
  
Marik: Good! licks  
  
Malik: Wipes off yami-drool Ok, I'm going to walk Harley-chan now, so you can go and find your pet. And if I don't like it we can always microwave it, or something.  
  
Marik: Give it to Bakura, he'll eat anything.  
  
Malik: True, ok then.  
  
[Elsewhere in Domino City...]  
  
Jou: Ok, are you ready?  
  
Kaiba: Hmph.  
  
Jou: Right. Now, what am I?  
  
Kaiba: A dog?  
  
Jou: Try again.  
  
Kaiba: Still a dog?  
  
Jou: Huuuuuman.  
  
Kaiba: Dooooog.  
  
Jou: My name is Jounouchi.  
  
Kaiba: Mutt.  
  
Jou: Jounouchi.  
  
Kaiba: ...Mutt?  
  
Jou: sigh Look, can dogs talk?  
  
Kaiba: You manage it pretty well.  
  
Jou: I. Am. Not. A. Dog!  
  
Kaiba: Yes. You. Are?  
  
Jou: Argh!!  
  
Kaiba: Don't you mean 'woof'?  
  
[Back to Marik and Malik]  
  
Malik: Erm, yami? Why are you stroking that cushion?  
  
Marik: Spot is my new pet.  
  
Malik: ...?  
  
Marik: You told me that I could get a pet, so this is my pet. Do you like my pet? It's a good pet, isn't it?  
  
Malik: You scare me.  
  
Marik: Stroking cushion evilly like a Bond villain with a white cat I scare everyone.  
  
Malik: You do know that pets are supposed to be alive, don't you?  
  
Marik: It is alive!!  
  
Malik: No, it isn't.  
  
Marik: blinks at cushion ARGH!! Hikari, Spot died!!! Sniffle  
  
Malik: ...  
  
Marik: Poor Spot!! Now I have to go and cremate him!  
  
Malik: Uh... I'm going to go and polish my motorbike now...  
  
[From outside: SCREEECH!!! sound of metal being scratched]  
  
Yami: From outside Mwahahahah!!!   
  
Malik: pale Ahh! What the hell did you do to my Harley, you stupid pharaoh!?  
  
Yami: Still outside Hey, this key works a lot better than my puzzle!  
  
Malik: ... Bursts into tears No!!!  
  
Yami: Evil giggle  
  
Marik: sniffle... Holding cushion, which is on fire  
  
TBC  
  
Oh, the chaos. Review and you get... uh... cushions? 


	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: Not mine, just borrowing the bishonen.   
  
Warnings: Insane stupidity? More cruelty to animals, too.  
  
Author: Koneko Shido  
  
A/N: 'Osiris' is Slifer the Sky Dragon to dub fans. I think.   
  
Queation Time 24  
  
Ryou: What... are you doing? blink  
  
Bakura: Has made hundreds of tiny snowmen and is now looking pleased with himself Setting the scene for some destruction??  
  
Ryou: ...? Argh! Yelps as Marik pops up from nowhere and grins insanely What are you doing here?  
  
Marik: Ask him. Points at Bakura, who is cackling wickedly and rubbing his hands together in anticipation of... something  
  
Ryou: What is he doing here? points to Marik  
  
Bakura: Shhh, hikari! We're playing a game!  
  
Ryou: Gods, no... groan  
  
Marik: I want to be Ra!!  
  
Bakura: Fine, I get to be Osiris!!  
  
Ryou: blink What?  
  
Bakura: Ryou, Ryou, do you want to be Obelisk? Go on, go on, go on!! We need three!!!! Giggling madly  
  
Ryou: Erm...   
  
Bakura: Good! Ok, go! Stomps on a tiny snowman Mwahahahah!!!!  
  
Marik: Also stomping on snowmen Mwahahahah!!! Fear me, tiny snow people!!! Tremble in fear at my bigness!!!  
  
Ryou: 'Bigness' is not a word.  
  
Bakura: Does anyone care? HAHAHAHA!!! Die! Die! Die! Die!! Splatters snowmen with his feet  
  
Marik: Mwahah, cower in fear!!! Grabs a convenient tree branch and uses it to wallop one of the poor snowmen, splattering it thoroughly  
  
Bakura: MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Kicks the head off a tiny snow person, grinning like a psychopath  
  
Ryou: Erm... I'm going to leave now...  
  
[2nd Part, with Ryou and Bakura at home.]  
  
Bakura: I've been a good boy all day, so can I go play with Marik now? Pleeease hikari? Pleasepleaseplease??  
  
Ryou: I beg to differ. What did you do to the neighbour's cat? The old lady next door was shrieking about it earlier.  
  
Bakura: Mr. Fluffikins?  
  
Ryou: Yes.  
  
Bakura: Erm...  
  
Ryou: You didn't feed it to that thing, did you?  
  
Bakura: Frankensnakie's not a thing!!  
  
Ryou: Then what is it? You can't call that creature an animal, technically it shouldn't even be alive. It has the head of a snake, the body of a hampster, the tail of the rest of the snake you used for the head, the feet of some sort of huge bird... thing, and bat wings!   
  
Bakura: Yup! It's a Frankensnakie! Look, isn't he cuuuute??  
  
Ryou: Argh! Get that disgusting thing away from me!!  
  
Bakura: Aww, now look, you hurt his feelings!  
  
Frankensnakie: Meow! Grrr... Hissss....  
  
Ryou: ...What?  
  
Frankensnakie: Yip?  
  
Bakura: That's right, Frankensnakie, Ryou is a big meanie, isn't he?  
  
Ryou: blink I'm mean? You're the one who killed a bunch of animals and sewed random bits of them together to make that freak!  
  
Frankensnakie: Mew??  
  
Bakura: Don't worry Frankensnakie, you're not a freak. Ryou's just bitter because I have a better pet than him.  
  
Ryou: I don't have a pet at all!  
  
Bakura: See? So mine is better!  
  
Frankensnakie: Sshnufff?  
  
Bakura: Exactly.  
  
Ryou: ...I'm just going to pretend we never had this conversation. It's so much easier than trying to understand you.  
  
Bakura: You do that!  
  
Frankensnakie: Scree!  
  
Ryou: ANYway, back to what you did to that cat.  
  
Bakura: What about what I did to it?  
  
Ryou: Bakura... Tell me where the cat is before I get uncharacteristically violent.  
  
Bakura: Erm...  
  
Ryou: You've already said that.  
  
Bakura: Fine, fine. It bit me, so I drenched it in petrol and lit it, ok? Heheh. You should have seen it streak off down the road in a huge, screeching fireball! It was great! Oh, and then Frankensnakie and I ate it once it'd cooked properly. It was a bit charred, but we just covered it in barbeque sauce and it tasted fine. Did you want us to save you some?  
  
Ryou: Oh, good lord...  
  
Frankensnakie: hic!  
  
TBC  
  
Next chapter is my last one, the Kuro no Hoshi is taking over. She's even more crazy than me so you know it'll be great. Review! 


	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer: Not mine!   
  
Warnings: Damn, where to start?! Mention of gory-yuckiness, making Yugi crazy because it amuses me... Yup, that and all the other stuff from other chapters.   
  
Author: Koneko Shido  
  
A/N: My last chapter! After this, the fic is being handed over to Kuro no Hoshi to write more on. Go read her fics 'Confined Spaces' and the new one, 'Overwhelming'. Yup, 'tis good! Anyhow, in this chapter I randomly decided that, since it's my last QT, I'm going to send the poor bishis off to therapy. Hee.  
  
BTW, the song is 'Bring your Daughter to the Slaughter' by Iron Maiden. If anyone cares. ;;  
  
Question Time 25  
  
Bakura: singing... Bring your daughter to the slaughter, let her go, let her go, let her goooo!!!  
  
Ryou: Shut up?  
  
Bakura: And-  
  
Ryou: Now?!  
  
Bakura: But I have this song stuck in my head!  
  
Ryou: How would you like an ICE PICK stuck in your head??  
  
Bakura: Is that a trick question?  
  
Ryou: ...  
  
Bakura: Well, somebody fell out of the wrong side of the bed.  
  
Ryou: ...? What? Oh, shut up, you white haired idiot.  
  
Bakura: But you have white hair-  
  
Ryou: Shut up, I don't care.  
  
Bakura: Why are you so bitchy today then? Did you run out of Weetabix again?  
  
Ryou: No, and the only reason I ran out last time was because you decided to build a sculpture of a whale out of it on the dining room table!! Life sized!!  
  
Bakura: Heheh. That was fun.  
  
Ryou: I'm still getting over finding Pegasus in the bath. Naked, might I add. There are some things a person is never, ever meant to see, and Pegasus naked is most definitely one of them.  
  
Bakura: So why are you being even more bitchy than usual today? Is it because of the therapy thing?  
  
Ryou: Am I supposed to be happy about that??  
  
Bakura: But it'll be fun!! And everyone else is going, you get to see how crazy all your stupid friends are!  
  
Ryou: I already know how crazy they are, that's why I'm not looking forward to this. Even Kaiba is going to be there!  
  
Bakura: Hee. Kaiba's the biggest headcase of all.  
  
Ryou: No, that would be you.   
  
Bakura: I'm not crazy! Well... alright, you have me there. But Kaiba is definitely in need of a head doctor. Can anyone say 'brother complex'? And what the hell is with that stupid coat? And did you know he argues with his inner child? And he wears belts on his feet.  
  
Ryou: Well, Yami and Yugi wear belts around their necks, why aren't you upset about that?  
  
Bakura: Good strangling opportunity. That's a point, imagine how stupid the pharaoh would look if his tomb read: 'great pharaoh whatever, strangled by his own idiotic neck belt'. Heheh. 'Also buried here, pharaoh's underage-looking sex-toy.'   
  
Ryou: I assume you mean Yugi?   
  
Bakura: nodnod Yeah, that thing.  
  
Ryou: Yugi is not a thing, he's a-  
  
Bakura; When's everyone else getting here? I'm bored. Can I have some more coffee? Where's Frankensnakie? Can I bring him to the therapy thingy with me? Will you sit next to me? I don't want to sit next to the pharaoh. Will you let me tie Anzu to the back of a car yet? Or even better, I could push her in front of a train! Or cover her in meat paste and throw her into the tiger cage at the zoo! Hmm, but how would I get her past the guards...?  
  
Ryou: I can't believe you're actually seriously thinking about how you could do that.  
  
Bakura: I could cut her up first, and put her in bags...  
  
Ryou: I need a cup of tea...  
  
Bakura: Coffee!  
  
Ryou: No, tea.  
  
Bakura: But tea is for girls!  
  
Ryou: Die!!  
  
Bakura: staring at the teacup that just slammed into the wall next to his head and shattered into a million pieces Ooookay then.  
  
Ryou: How dare you insult the tea! Say sorry, you evil bastard!!  
  
Bakura: Say sorry to the tea? I thought I was the insane one? Is this why you're coming to therapy with us? You have 'tea isssues'. Heheheh. That's such a girly thing to have issues about.  
  
Ryou: Will you stop calling me girly?!  
  
Bakura: But you are girly.  
  
Ryou: I don't care!!  
  
Bakura: You screech like a girl, too.  
  
Ryou: Argh!!  
  
[At the therapy session, in the waiting room]  
  
Marik: Why are we here?  
  
Malik: We're going to see a head doctor.  
  
Marik: Why?  
  
Yugi: We all have issues!  
  
Marik: We do?  
  
Kaiba: Apparently.  
  
Jou: I don't have issues. pout  
  
Marik: Dog.  
  
Jou: I'M NOT A DOG!!!  
  
Kaiba: And that would be your share of the issues. I still don't see why I should be here.  
  
Bakura: Where's Mokuba?  
  
Kaiba: At school. With three bodyguards, constant surveillance, a cell phone and a gun. I also have him bugged.  
  
Bakura: cough-freak-cough  
  
Ryou: slap Be nice.  
  
Bakura: I can't. It goes against my religion.  
  
Ryou: And don't lie! You'll go to hell!  
  
Bakura: I can't stop lying, I'm a compulsive liar. Wait... I just told the truth... Does that mean I'm not a compulsive liar? But I lie about everything else... Oww, my brain!  
  
Ryou: Shut up. Stop confusing yourself, you'll only make them think you're even more insane.  
  
Bakura: Than who?  
  
Ryou: Good point.   
  
Yami: Well, at least I'm sane. That's nice to know.  
  
Bakura: snort  
  
Marik: cackle  
  
Malik: You're sane? Since when? Did you get that egomania fixed, then?  
  
Yami: Shut up, Fruit Loop, before I re-introduce your nice shiny motorbike to the business end of my puzzle.  
  
Malik: HARLEY-CHAN!! NO!!!  
  
Ryou: sigh We're not even in therapy yet...   
  
Yugi: blinkblink  
  
Bakura: Ryou! Make it stop blinking at me! Eyes! Argh! Bushbaby!  
  
Yugi: blink What?  
  
Ryou: Ignore him. I do.  
  
Yugi: Ok then!  
  
Doctor: Alright, we're ready for you. Please step right this way.  
  
Ryou: I forsee this going badly...  
  
Doctor: Alright, let's see. We have... Ryou Bakura, Ryou Bakura's evil twin, Yugi Motou, Yugi Motou's not-so-evil twin, Malik Ishtar, Malik Ishtar's very evil twin, Seto Kaiba and Jounouchi Katsuya. Is that all?  
  
Ryou: Otogi would be here, but Bakura won't tell me where he's hidden him.  
  
Doctor: Uh... alright then...  
  
Bakura: grin He's looking after Frankensnakie for me.  
  
Doctor: Frankensnakie?  
  
Bakura: My pet. I made him.  
  
Doctor: You made him? Out of what?  
  
Bakura: Other people's pets. I like to make things. I'm very creative.  
  
Ryou: shudder  
  
Doctor: I...see. Alright, today we're all here to assess your state of mental health. Let's start with you, Malik. Tell me, what do you see here? holds up inkblot  
  
Malik: My motorbike.  
  
Doctor: And this one?  
  
Malik: My motorbike under a tree.  
  
Doctor: And.. this one?  
  
Malik: A cloud shaped like my motorbike.  
  
Doctor: This one here?  
  
Malik: That's... Argh! The pharaoh scratching my motorbike! No!! Waaaaah!!! clings to Marik  
  
Marik: petpet Harley-chan is ok, we locked it up in the garage, remember?  
  
Malik: sniffle She's ok?  
  
Marik: nodnod  
  
Malik: Promise? puppy eyes  
  
Marik: nodnodnod  
  
Doctor: Alright, I think we've established what your problem is. How about we move on to you, Marik. What do you see in this inkblot?  
  
Marik: Ink.  
  
Doctor: Other than the ink.  
  
Marik: Paper?  
  
Doctor: No, I mean what does the shape of the ink remind you of?  
  
Marik: Well... It's the same kind of shape you get if you drop a bucket full of blood off a building, I guess...  
  
Bakura: Nah, it's more like when you hang someone up and slash them open, and their blood drips on Ryou's white carpet.  
  
Marik: Oh yeah, it is more like that.  
  
Ryou: sigh  
  
Doctor: Uh... Right. Let's move on to you, Kaiba. What do you see here? Holds up another inkblot  
  
Kaiba: Mokuba.  
  
Doctor: And here?  
  
Kaiba: A dog.  
  
Jou: I'M NOT A DOG!!!  
  
Doctor: ...?  
  
Kaiba: Ignore him. He's having an identity crisis at the moment.  
  
Doctor: Very well then... What do you see here?  
  
Kaiba: Me beating Yami into the ground at Duel Monsters. glares at Yami  
  
Yami: sticks out tongue He can't beat me because I'm superior. It makes him do stupid things like threaten to jump off buildings.  
  
Kaiba: That wasn't-  
  
Doctor: Hmm, I see. I shall have to look into this further at some point. I'll book you in for another session next week, Mr. Kaiba.  
  
Kaiba: What?!  
  
Yami: smirk  
  
Kaiba: glare  
  
Doctor: Alright, now what about you, Jounouchi? What do you see here?  
  
Jou: A collar.  
  
Doctor: And here?  
  
Jou: A leash.  
  
Doctor: Here?  
  
Jou: Dog biscuits.  
  
Doctor: Ahem Ok, I think we've established that you have problems with being called a dog, yes?  
  
Jou: Yeah, well it's only 'cause he calls me that all the time! points at Kaiba  
  
Kaiba: But you are a dog.  
  
Jou: I'm not a dog!   
  
Kaiba: I think you'll find you are.  
  
Jou: I'm not!! And you're one to talk, you nympho! If I weren't sleeping with you I'd-  
  
Kaiba: Be sleeping in a kennel?  
  
Jou: ARGH!! tearing at hair I'm not a dog!!!  
  
Doctor: Quite. Now, what about you, Yami? What do you see in this inkblot?  
  
Yami: Me, beating Kaiba at Duel Monsters. smirk  
  
Kaiba: growl  
  
Doctor: Fine. And here?  
  
Yami: Me beating everyone else at Duel Monsters.  
  
Doctor: Alright... This one?  
  
Yami: Me saving everyone all the time.  
  
Doctor: Ok...  
  
Kaiba: You don't save everyone all the time, you useless washed-up pathetic-  
  
Yami: La, la, la, I can't hear you. fingers in ears  
  
Bakura: pout He stole that from me.  
  
Doctor: Lovely... Ok, now let's move on to you, Yugi. What do you see in this inkblot?  
  
Yugi: blinkblink A bunny? Is it a bunny? bounce  
  
Doctor: It's whatever you want it to be.  
  
Yugi: I want it to be a bunny!  
  
Doctor: And is it a bunny?  
  
Yugi: No, it still looks like a huge monster with a thousand teeth and black eyes of death. Aww, I wanted it to be a bunny.  
  
Yami: patpat  
  
Doctor:...This one?  
  
Yugi: Is this one a bunny? Because it looks more like a man with no head lying in a pool of blood.  
  
Bakura: Cool. Can I have that one?  
  
Doctor: blink Uh... What about this one, Yugi?  
  
Yugi: That one sort of looks like a bunny... In a vat of acid, screaming... Don't you have any nice pictures?  
  
Doctor: Um... Let's move on. Ryou, what do you see here?  
  
Ryou: Bakura destroying my house.  
  
Doctor: And here?  
  
Ryou: Bakura killing all the neighbourhood pets.  
  
Doctor: Here?  
  
Ryou: Me murdering Bakura in his sleep.  
  
Bakura: Aww, I love you too, Ryou-chan!  
  
Ryou: twitch  
  
Doctor: Indeed. Bakura, what do you see in this inkblot?  
  
Bakura: Err... A bunny?  
  
Yugi: Really? Where? staring at inkblot Aww, that doesn't look like a bunny, it just looks like someone with their legs sawn off.  
  
Bakura: It does? Hey, you're right, it does. Hmm.  
  
Doctor: Uh... This one?  
  
Bakura: The pharaoh getting attacked by a crazy guy with a chainsaw. Oh wait, that's me. Heheh.  
  
Yami: glare  
  
Doctor: Um... this one?  
  
Bakura: That one looks like that cat from next door after I skinned it.  
  
Ryou: shiver  
  
Doctor:...That's...nice. Alright, I think we've pretty much gotten past the fact that you all need serious help.  
  
Kaiba: You'll be hearing from my lawyer.  
  
Marik: Do we have a lawyer, hikari?  
  
Malik: No, we set his wife on fire and he quit, remember?  
  
Marik: No?  
  
Malik: We don't have one. We should get a new one, that guy says we're insane. points at doctor  
  
Marik: We are insane.  
  
Malik: ...We are?  
  
Marik: Very.  
  
Malik: Oh.  
  
Doctor: Alright... That concludes the therapy session for today, please collect your next appointment dates on the way out.  
  
Bakura: snort Like hell.  
  
Ryou: Oh, you're going.  
  
Bakura: But Ryou! whine I'm not crazy!  
  
Ryou: I beg to differ.  
  
Bakura: Meanie.  
  
TBC  
  
That sort of trailed off near the end, but yeah... that's the last Question Time chapter I'm writing! sniffle All the rest of the chapters from this point on are by Kuro no Hoshi, go read her fics!! And go read my other ones on nfiction . com (take out spaces...ffn are evil.)! And do your homework, brush your teeth and don't kill anyone after reading this because it'll probably get blamed on me... yeah. I'll just go over here and be quiet now. Review! 


End file.
